Last week, my English teacher scheduled for our class to be in the computer lab to work on our essays. The second day we were in the lab, a cheerleader raised her hand and asked if he wanted these essays typed. MLIA.

black and gray

I told myself I wouldn't text you all day
Have time to myself and contemplate
But then you text comes and the anger washes away
I told myself I wouldn't give in
That nothing was worth it
And it was all a sin
But I fell into your trap and couldn't turn back
I told myself it didn't matter
That life would go on
And I'd ignore all the chatter
I told myself it'd be okay
That enough was enough
And someday,
The world will no longer be in black and gray

leaving home

when i was little, i overheard my parents talking to their friends at a party, and one of their friends goes, “When you’re kids go to college, they don’t miss you. You may miss them but they’re out having fun.”

And when i think about it now, it’s not true in many cases. Everyone wants to leave home. Every seems to want out of their parents’ rules and restrictions just for that ounce of freedom, but really you end up missing those people that raised you all your life.

The people that set these boundaries for you because they care. They give you a home and food for your growling stomachs so you can grow up beautifully and successfully.

Despite everything that i’ve said about my parents, i know i’m gonna miss them when i leave home.

happiness

you know when you help someone out but it makes things harder for you?
it's just that, you're so focused on them. you wanna make things easier for them. you want to see them happy.
i love seeing people happy so i don't care if it makes things harder for me.

my goal in life is happiness. for you, for me, and just for everyone. i want to make people happy.

there are certain topics that i'm extremely sensitive about,

• the reasons why i cry, (don't question me when i KNOW you've never been what i've been through)
• my teeth/braces, (i will seriously hurt the next person that comments on how long i've had them or why they're so low)
• stereotypes, (call me whitewashed one more time... grr am i supposed to be ghetto because i'm Cambodian? no, i'm not supposed to be anything but myself)

If I Ruled the World

If I ruled the world
Peace wouldn't be a question
Violence would be OUT of the question
Children would be secure
Success would be indefinite
More money for schools
and jails for the fools

If I ruled the world
Things would be different
People would know where their money's spent

If I ruled the world
Global warming would rewind
Greenhouse gases would be hard to find

If I ruled the world
More southeast Asians would go to college
Out of the streets and into success

If I ruled the world,
There would be happiness

oh mother,

i told her all the people i was getting Christmas presents for and she goes,

"Why are you getting all of them presents? That's a waste of money, what have they ever done for you?"

I told her I'm giving them presents to show that I care about them (I'm buying their love! just kidding)

my mother is such a negative thinker.

you know when you recite poems in your head and you're hella eager to get it on paper? happens all the time

A war for a purpose
Emotions against the heart
Hit its weak spots
Soldiers of anger
Fighting for a resolution
Soldiers of longing
Hoping for that repair
Soldiers of pure sadness
In disbelief
Weapons of destruction
Piercing the heart
Emotions conquer
Tearing the most valuable part
Conflictions between similarities
Fighting for power
Causing lonliness
That grows by the hour
This war put to an end
Neither side wins
A heart destroyed
Emotions disorganized
Because through all the hurt
Through all the pain
There’s a fight for purpose
A fight for change

the scariest moment of my life

today after the AYPAL LIMCA ylo, i kissed Vincent unaware that my mom was already in front of the building, looking at me with a suspicious face.
my heart dropped. i hopped into the car acting like everything was normal. my back was turned to her when i kissed him so i didn’t know if she saw or not.
i thought my life was over. no going out. no nothing, all because of this forbidden relationship. THANK GOD it was dark outside.
i was scared out of my mind. i couldn’t focus. i just wanted to turn back time. when we got home my mom asked if i hugged or kissed “the boy”.
of course i’m gonna say HUG. no shit.
so i suppose i’m in the clear, but godammit. i’m hella on edge. i have to be extra cautious.

thanks DOODOO BRAIN, for being supportive. NOT! you fucking kicked me when i was down. called me an idiot. no fucking shit i knew i did something completely careless and idiotic but FUCK, can you be the least bit supportive and considerate for once?!

i always feel like i have to buy someone a christmas present just cause they said they're buying one for me.

ugh. what if i don't really like them?

damn my guilt

the goods and bads of wintertime:

GOOD:

• holidays! christmas, new years, uhh valentine's day? yeah valentine's day
• the start of the new year! yay!
• the cheery, fuzzy feeling of the holiday cheer and all around love =]
• my birthday! in february yo. specifically valentines day.
• lot's of birthdays - meaning lots of happiness!
• marks the middle of the schoolyear - summer is so close!

BAD:

• it's so fucking cold! like forreal.
• my hands get cracked and dry cause my hands are constantly freezing
• winter clothese aren't that fun..
• midterms.. grr.. kill me now.

The good outweigh the bad so it's all good. but summer > winter. always

I'm a loner at heart

ever since my insecure days of middle school, I've been this awkward loner girl.

I've resisted approaching big groups of people,

and practically prevented myself from making new friends.

I'm awkward. period. maybe one day I'll break out of this shell I've placed myself in and realize there's really nothing to fear.

it's not like these people are gonna look at you like you're a freak and criticize you top to bottom.
oh wait, that has happened to me before...

fuck it. I'm gonna be awkward for life.

we're all haters

you know you hate someone.

everyone does.

wheter it be for a stupid reason or for something completely legit.

does distance really make the heart grow fonder?
i guess we'll find out soon enough.

the other side of the door

"I said 'Leave,' but all I really want is you
To stand outside my window throwing pebbles
Screaming, 'I'm in love with you'
Wait there in the pouring rain, come back for more
And don't you leave cause I know
All I need is on the other side of the door"

"And I'll scream out the window
I can't even look at you
I don't need you but I do, I do, I do
I say, 'There's nothing you can say to make this right
I mean it, I mean it' "

"After everything i must confess, I need you."

is it wrong that i don't want to share you with the rest of the world?

the problem with shopping for other people is..

finding the right size of clothing for someone without offending them..

• you get a size small, but it doesn't fit them so they feel fat.
• you get a size medium and it's too big. they think you think they're fat.
• you get a large, and it can go both ways.

JUST TELL ME YOUR SIZE NOW!

or i can guess. you know, my guessing skills have always been pretty accurate =] (not.)

after a rough monday night, a problem-solving tuesday, and

a completely unsatisfying, unproductive wednesday :

i'm feeling pretty good about myself =]

i look forward to talking to him more often and maybe a date in the near future? hint hint ;]

i planned on doing a lot of homework today. but i didn't. tryna free up my weekend.


i want a pet. that's not underwater - preferably a dog named Raison

Fallin' - V.S.

Fallin'
Piece by piece it seems
Is it true or just an illusion?
It seems so real, but I can't accept it
It's like an image in water where you touch it
and it disperses
Effortless I am, it takes a lot to realize it
Denial is life and it isn't fun
They say even the greatest fall
On 9/11 the twin towers were seen fallin'
Tonight my tears were fallin'
Ever since that special day, my heart has been fallin'
My pride had been fallin'
My ego had been fallin'
My "masculinity" had been fallin'
What's next to say?
Is it I that is fallin' next?
Is it our relationship that's fallin'?
Are we sure it isn't another couple's tragedy?
Fallin'
A hero falls
A nation falls
But.. Can we possibly be fallin'?
So it seems..
Realization of deep foundation
Base to our survival is communication
No free time but let's create it
Girl don't let this bridge fall
We worked hard to build it. Why now?
Even earthquakes couldn't tear it down
But a little problem like this could?
It just can't be true
You know my appreciation towards you
You know where my heart is
Though I don't show it,
Doesn't mean it's not there
Only blind because I can't see
Only hurt because I can't show
Only invisible because I hide it
I can't find myself nor my heart
I cannot show because I don't know
But believe it's there
It must've been since we've gotten this far
How can I show or tell you?
I want to, but I can't
I don't know myself, but tonight I will
I want to show you..
I want to not fall, but for you I will
Fallin' ta me one more time

so there's this scary feeling,

of not knowing what to do, what comes next, & how to approach everything.

there's this "rough patch" in the relationship,
where you think everything's gonna end.

there are these conversations,
only to be expressed in person.

there are few times, you get to see him in person,
so how do we find a solution to this problem?

love was in the air

it filled my lungs

choked me

polluted my mind

& begged for mercy

love was in the air

causing tears to roll down my cheeks

like gallons of cement

sticking to my face

and causing that uncertainty

love was in the air

expressing true happiness

sadness and anger

confusion at most

love was in the air

making it hard for me to breath.

there's a time, where everything changes.

over the honeymoon stage?

so we haven't been talking a lot lately.
ever since that one day i decided to "test" him to see if he'd text me and he didn't.

i guess you can say we're over the "honeymoon" stage.
but for seem reason, i don't have that NEED to text him anymore.
my thumbs are so tired from that +6 months of speed texting.

i just want to talk to him in person.

there are times when i don't want to talk to him at all..

jump then fall

i made a tumblr to see what all the fuss was about.
it sucks. i was like wtf?

in other news,
i'm realizing spending time together is really all that matters. cause we can never find time to be together anymore.

"I like the way you sound in the morning
We're on the phone and without a warning
I realize your laugh is the best sound
I have ever heard

I like the way I can't keep my focus
I watch you talk, you didn't notice
I hear words but all I can think is
We should be together
Every time you smile, I smile
And every time you shine, I'll shine for you"

i do wish we had more time to just talk in person though.
texting is our way of communication..

i can never quite explain my emotions anymore.
neither can i control them..

fuck this shit.

fuck this shit.

fuck this shit.

keeps replaying in my head.

it's like the TV is pyschic!

you know how sometimes you're in a tough situation and then you turn on the TV to lose yourself in a comedic or overly dramatic tv show?
all of a sudden, you realize the scene on tv totally relates to your situation!
coincidence? hell yes.

like today, i was watching Glee and the end song was "Lean On Me"
completely related to the day i had today.
hearing shocking news from the dentist office, at school, and when i got home.

it's crazy.

and i never know the right way to handle it.

what's the point of

being with someone if they cause you more pain and hurt than happiness and love?


BTW. as a way of procrastination and boredom, i changed my blogspot page. if only i wasn't technologically challenged, i wanted to add music..

some people,

smell like poo.

really! they do!

i'm forced to sit behind them and it's all baaaad!

yesterday,

was a pretty damn good saturday.

free samples, good food, and cute performances at the GREEN FESTIVAL! in sf with my safire girls

shopping with them as well. =] 7 for $25 underwear at victoria's secret! ayeee!

then taking the bart back to chinatown for Mr. Hyphen! had hella fun screaming until my throat started to get sore. the contestants were great. TONY!! didn't win, but it's all good.

i was whooped by the time i got home.

i love these types of days.

with my dad in japan, i knew my mom would get more protective and practically put me on lockdown.
she made so many fucking excuses so i wouldn't go out today. i was pissed.
"no, it's Friday the 13th, bad luck. stay home"
"no you're sick, stay home"
i'm not even sick..
she knows i'm not that happy with her and i know she's not happy with me.
i've always been on more of a lockdown than my sister because i tend to go out more.
before my dad left, he told me to take care of my mom. just me. what about my sister? what difference does it make?
it's stupid and annoying.

i'm not doing stupid shit like most teenagers my age. i should be trusted.

i can't wait for that freedom i've always wanted.

you suck, stranger

someone keeps hacking into my blogspot.
i've changed my password numerous times. stupid high-tech hackers.

today i had a queasy feeling during the AYPAL ylo. no good. i probably shoulda ate more than just an orange when i went home afterschool.

my dad is in japan right now. it's probably not a healthy family relationship to just announce to your wife that you bought tickets to japan. just for yourself.
nice, thanks daddy. a little selfish, don't you think?

i'm looking forward to saturday. it's not gonna be a late night for me, but it's gonna be an eventful day. =]

i should be studying right now.


ME TIME is good.

i'm afraid to go any faster,
because the faster you go,
the harder you fall.

the closer you get,
the more hurt there is
when it all goes down.

BY THE WAYYY, this is no longer a joint blog. it's just ratema =]
you want chiravann? hit up that tumblr

Eet - Regina Spektor

It's like forgetting the words to your favorite song.
You can't believe it; you were always singing along.
It was so easy and the words so sweet.
You can't remember; you try to feel the beat.

You spend half of your life trying to fall behind.
You're using your headphones to drown out your mind.
It was so easy and the words so sweet.
You can't remember; you try to move your feet.

Someone's deciding whether or not to steal.
He opens a window just to feel the chill.
He hears that outside a small boy just started to cry
'Cause it's his turn, but his brother won't let him try.

you don't really understand a song, until you listen to the lyrics.

what happens when you find something out that changes the way you look at someone?
do you act like everything's normal?
like you don't know this huge piece of information that contradicts everything they've ever said?

can you please cooperate?

please, please, please, PLEASE!!!!

cooperate. forreals. just bugs the fuck outta me. especially when i KNOW you have opinions and you speak up often but you choose NOW to be dead silent. not cool.

other than that, i thought the SAFIRE workshop went pretty well. even though we ran outta time, the girls all did a really good job. especially, those in the little groups motivating the others and throwing out ideas.

there was just one group that really bugged me. when you don't say shit, it makes me feel like i'm doing a terrible job facilitating.



also,
NO chemistry teacher for like 3 days! no wonder i haven't had that much homework to do =]

always ending my sentences with "...and shit."

you know, notecards and shit.
made my arm fuckin sore.

i really hate playing certain sports in PE, like the type that involves teams (SOFTBALL!). it'd be hella fun with different people, no doubt. but really? is it necessary to yell at the people that can't catch the ball? is it necessary to put people down? NO IT'S NOT! so shut the fuck up. if we wanted to play softball, we'd try out for an actual team. it's not like we fuckin choose to do this shit.

rude people making people feel bad. that's what's wrong with this society. glad i'm not taking PE next year.

on another note, listen to this:
"Are all asians and white people racist towards blacks and mexicans?"
- asked by my dear TD friend

think about it? do you think it's true? i think for the most part, it is true. we're influenced by stereotypes and our parents are for sure undercover racist.

don't lie, you know you stiffen up when you see a group of mexicans or black guys coming your way. you know you're scared. you know why? cause you watch the news, you notice the similarities of those people gunning people down and are the cause of drive-by shootings. could be coincidence. or it could just be people living up to their stereotypes.


i keep forgetting to eat dinner cause i'm too busy doing homework.. i'm gonna die.

so i'm one of THOSE people

• drifting away from friends i've known the longest.
• staying on my phone 24/7.
• feeling displaced and lost with the people i used to have so much fun with.
• questioning my actions in the hopes of preventing "clingyness".
• being closed off with people i used to tell EVERYTHING to.

what's wrong with me?

there's gonna be that day where all of a sudden, there's no one.
no one to turn to.
or hang out with outside of school, or even at lunch.



no one to talk to. to vent to. to make me feel better during tough times.




one day, i'll just be alone.

the speed of light

DO: lie about your age to get candy on halloween

DON'T: walk around the streets of berkeley at night. witnessed some serious creepers

Halloween was yesterday, now that it's over i keep thinking about the holidays coming up. Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Years. all the holidays where the media makes families look happiest.

these holidays do make me happy though. as it should. bringing people together and showing your appreciation. i love it. (especially now that i will actually have money to spend on presents - getting paiddd. AYEEE!)

just a random thought of excitement =] =] =]

holy monkey nuts !

i read this on mental floss and it seemed very interesting, see for yourself

3. If you’re dying to know who you’re going to marry someday, here’s an update on the apple stem twist we used to do as kids (or was that just me?). Unmarried women used to sit in a dark room on Halloween night and look into a mirror. Eventually, their husband’s face would appear in it. If a skull appeared instead, the woman would surely die before she could ever get married.

sometimes i feel like i don't have friends anymore.

boo today

today went from bad to worst to okay to good with a pinch of "damn i suck at acting, why did i do theater over the summer?"

and some LOL over certain people that are lightweight related and attempted at hollering at eachother

stupid people

i didn't realize, you could just drop a friend out of your life so easily. without a care.

that's what you call a fake friend.

have a little sympathy.

you wanna know a secret?

No! i don't wanna know your secrets!

has someone ever told you this really big secret that could potentially break up a friendship or something along those lines?

someone told me something today. although others already know, it was something most people aren't aware of. kept on the "down-low".

i'm not gonna gossip and go tell people. cause that's just straight-up shady biznezz. but dang, whenever i keep things in, it just builds up.

but all good. glad to be in the loop. i won't tell a soul =]

damn that paranormal activity.

i'm done with scary movies.

keepsakes

Looking through my appreciations from the STP retreat, i found this lovely note that i wanted to share, because it made me get butterflies in my stomach.

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nobody likes to be ignored,

rejected,

or neglected.

friday the twenty third

i was supposed to take senior portraits today, prettied myself up, not really, so i got there, ready to check this off the senior list, then i realize i forget my money.

FML, i wanted to kick myself and then some.

the lady said that if i didn’t have the money then i’d lose my appointment and have to reschedule. i had this brilliant plan of borrowing $20 from julia who was coming later, but then the lady said they were booked today, and i’m not guaranteed a spot. either way i had to reschedule, so i left with a good hair day to waste =[

i went to STP, and i saw this boy who looked so familiar, he had a white tee and a hat on, how many people with that combo do you see a day ? so i thought it was just someone who looked like someone who looked like someone.

then it hit me.

he was my fifth grade lover that i called my boyfriend back in the day.

i recognized that peanut head anywhere, and everything fit, it pretty much came back to me, nobody could remember his name [or anyone i asked for that matter], so this little theory can’t really be confirmed but it was him. i thought he lived a million miles away though, so weird and random.

but

he has a mustache now, that’s all i gotta say.

tyra banks wants us to vomit in our mouths

i'm currently watching tyra and all of a sudden these HELLA buff, 99.9% naked guys in banana hammocks come out, wow that was gross, because it wasn't the good looking buff it was the your-head-is-too-small-for-your-body-now buff. oil made everything worse. wow tyra you really hit this one home.

equal sign left bracket

I slipped on a zip lock bag today, GALLON SIZE. i seems to always have a profanic spaz when something embarrassing happens. i think the person behind me laughed at me, but i'm okay.

i'm not overloading on blogspot, you just stay on that tumblr shit

bizarre shizz

Wow some lady with a southern accent just called me at 12:30 at night saying that my order at CVS for anal wort removal cream is ready to be picked up, wtf.

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i chose not to do anything today

i feel unproductive, but i'm just waiting for tomorrow to be over, and yay ! fun is calling my name.
my sister is overloading the blogspot though, i don't know if i'm appreciating that.

i got lots of stuff on my plate, but i choose to go on facebook and look at prom dresses.

in case you didn't already know,

telling me i look dead or saying "oh yeah, you do look sick"
is not in any way a compliment. it's actually more in the INSULT area.

thanks guys. thanks a lot.

one of the only things i like about being sick

is that when you stay home from school,
people notice.

good to know i mean something to some people =]

everybody's talking about the rain.

television has evolved

they have snuggies for dogs now,
because it looked so snazzy on humans.

i just think

it's bullshit.

the randomness of my week

"my mom said she liked my elbows."
heard while walking to class LOL

"you're one rough girl."
said to me by my dentist. awkward.

"Ow. (20 seconds later) i'm bleeding."
not something you want to hear from your dentist while his fingers are poking around in your mouth.
(10 seconds later)
"oh, the blood is inside the glove, don't worry."
WTF?

"hey vagina."
my sister is referred to as Vagina to all SAFIRE girls.

=]

can you get nightmares during a nap ? yes.

all was well during the nap, happy things like the beach, sand castles, and for some reason deja vu from my hawaii trip, but i wasnt complaining about that. in my dream, i got home and people were over, then these too older men that kinda barged in but melded with the crowd, thet went to my attic [which i don't have in real life]. im hanging out with this lady and i guess one of the guys who came in, comes down from the attic all drunk with shards of glass threatening my friend [his wife]. he was really scary and i wanted to piss my pants. then i woke up to my sister asking my mom about gettingg more index cards. i don't get it but it was scary, i think ive been watching too much one tree hill.

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i remember when i had time to nap after school.

good times.

i won't

You say it's easier to burn than to build

You say it's easier to hurt than to heal

But I say you lose when you give up what you love

And I've lived my life without you long enough

momma's proud

i love my orchids.

happy october

time for Halloween =]

where i decide to be cheap and make my own costume that never works out cause i'm just not THAT creative. sadness.



whatever. imma just wear my panda hat and act like i don't have thumbs and pretend to eat bamboo all day =D =D =P

i'm a big girl

one of my close or should i say "close" friends just keeps on doing what she does best, treating me like anything but a friend, sometimes i think she's a total bitch because of what she says about me behind my back, i can't deal with people who constantly talk, i know she talks lots of smack about other people, but that's a normal thing. saying i looked fat in my prom dress and saying i shouldn't have worn it to another male person is another thing.

i'm not gonna lie, i think she's a bitch.

because it's not the first time she's just screwed me over, thinking i'm too up in the clouds to know anything. and finding out she doesn't tell me shit about anything, something as big as breaking up with her boyfriend a month ago, is something that tells me we ain't friends. and when she tells probably the whole world excluding me, makes me feel frustrated.

i feel like she's always obligated to "protect" me from little stuff that i might worry about or stuff like that, that i'm just some little naiive girl who believes what everyone tells her. truth be told, i'm much smarter than you think, and i learned from my mistakes.

i want her to stop treating me like this, and think i don't know anything about what she's doing, it's shady fucked up business, i'm not really digging right now.

i don't wanna talk to her about it because it's gonna bring unnecessary drama i'm not up for at this point. i'm sick of this shit she's trying to pull

i have a mind and i use it, i'm not an idiot.
and if she really does keep this up, FUCK HER.

so today,

i wanted to beat someone's ass.

and then,

i waved to someone with both hands (cause i be doing that sometimes) and ended up almost hitting someone walking beside me. oops. sorry random unfortunate girl

i have a disorder

i send out impulsive texts when i'm mad.

it's bad.

but all good. cause i realize my errors and apologize.

sorry for being a super bitch =]

you suck

the words "fuck you" come to mind. after the entire weekend, it's still roaming around my head.

no apology?

lets act like this never happened. go ahead, act like you don't give a shit.

no problemo. why should i care about you? why should i be considerate? why should i even try?
cause to me, it doesn't seem like you're doing any of that.

i wish i could stop talking to you.

but it's just not possible for me.


so fuck you.

fabulous finds

I was shopping and found this hunk at my new favorite store, it was a japanese place where they sold stationary, pencils, things i like.

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all natural means everyones a lagger

I'm going to go to San Francisco for the umpth teenth time and do all that because my cousin's cousin is in town to see the bay and all its beauty for her birthday, its my birthday weekend too, but whatever, no time for envy. We woke up at 10 and i don't know what's a reasonable time to actually get a move on with things, but its currently almost 12 and nothing looks too mobile at this point. it's just something i notice when ive been done getting ready about an hour ago and seeing everyone put on their makeup with the mirrors on hand. I get looking nice but sometimes i jusy don't care about what i look like. Materialism and shopping keeps losing its interest with me, there are so many side effects in over consumption, greed, i don't wear make up, limited the shopping. its time to take life as it is and waiting while people put on their faces is putting on a facade you want to present
yourself to the world with

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a brief happiness

on a booboo day.

"life is a playground, and i'm just looking for someone to play with."
LOLOL

taken from an 80s dating montage video.

its hard to smile today

update

crack and cocaine aren't the same thing.
thats what i learned today.

i also learned that people will like you more if you bring them food.

sometimes people are inconsiderate when they think they're being considerate. just because you assume things cause you "know me so well" doesn't mean anything. you can't read my mind. i have thoughts that need to spoken out loud.
thats the type of thing that makes me mad.
but i don't do anything about it. b/c i know its nothing to fight over

public ignorance shouldn't be ignored.

SEN10RS, doesn’t necessarily mean we are the most mature.

the rally was fun for a quick second, it’s an annual thing for stupidity to get out of hand and just for things to go from a good thing to a question of common sense. seriously, 4 years of people acting out, just being ignorant is annoying. i don’t understand why it’s the thing to do at something where we should have all the school spirit in the world, but in the end, makes people not wanna have anything to do with this school. complete hypocricy

after the rally, jlee and i watched football players practice, it’s a spectator sport and i loved spectating.

my mommy was in the parking lot to take us home, and while we were at the stop light, there were hella people just mobbing, standing in the intersection, i have no idea why, but they were there for the longest time. the light was green and we obviously couldn’t go because they were just there. it was a what the fuck moment, and then some girl decides she wants to lean on our car, wow. i wanted to slap her. ms. shelton was there to tell them to get out of the street, but it was just hella embarrassing, embarrassing for them.

i will never understand life and why people don’t have the common sense to just do anything anymore, it’s a shame.

i was mad about it for a second, just mad at society for letting everyone rot to their stupidity and leave them to do without thinking, understanding, anything.

i learned what desensitization was in social living, and we’re all walking ads. i’m so used to people like this, the ones that ruin it for everybody, that i don’t care anymore. it’s just another day at school.

smooth criminal

workload. so much.

i'll tell you why i like holding hands. because it makes me feel safe,
like you accept this relationship.
like you actually like me.
like you're meeting me halfway.

it shows effort,


affection.

i'll coffee your cake

i miss baking, i forgot how satisfying it makes me feel, plus people pay for my shiatt, so while your looking under the couch for milk money, i'll be rolling in muffin moolah.

today i had sushi, it hit the spot.

i feel like a loser, a lot more than i should nowadays, i know i have friends and stuff, but i'm feeling much more of an outcast than i usually do. it's depressing and i don't really wanna be that depressing aura that gets everybody down, it's just something that's been on my mind.

keane says everybody's changing, and true that's it's like watching my life flash before my eyes. but glee just makes my week so everything's gonna be alright at 9 o'clock tonight.

and they said, let them eat cake

girroll it's yo b-day, as in [bee-dai].
i love frozen yogurt and it's entirety, kinda thought for a second i wasn't getting any day that's what she said. it was a nice day, can't wait till i'm 18, the world only knows what kind of damage i can be doing then.

the cake was good, a mother fudgin' turd to make though, but it was worth it. creative skills to the test.

quiz tomorrow by the way, had to throw that out there.

i love everybody by the way, you guys are just the epitome of great and fantastic.
that guy on melrose place without the shirt tonight, damn, lip biter right there, i wanted him for my birthday =]

until next year.

did you watch One Tree Hill last night?

cause i sure didn't. i would've if i had time

i used to watch tv all the time. from the time i wake up to the time i go to sleep. it's probably why my eyesight sucks.

i used to get really excited when my favorite shows would come on. just waiting for that unrealistic yet completely scandalous drama to happen. the kind of shows with Desperate Housewives and high school teens claiming to be sophomores when they drink, smoke, and have sex every day of their lives.

is that really believable?
who knows. maybe somewhere in this world.

the point is, they were entertaining, jaw-dropping, and some even had the ability to really make you think (like my doctor show, Grey's Anatomy =] )

now-a-days, tv doesn't interest me. gotta turn it off to do homework. other times i'm just not home to watch it. it's not that the shows changed, it's that my schedule changed. my workload changed. the level of importance changed.

focusing on real life, instead of that fake "reality" of the television set and the overly gorgeous people in it.







just a thought..

no dinner tomorrow

people are busy. so i'll be spending my birthday at home with my ice cream cake i made.
no biggie, i have about hella more birthdays to go.

wish list, not to sound demanding, but to take into consideration:

1. card, something simple and sweet and i can read over and over again and think about how wonderful you are.
   
2. laptop, unrealistic, but practicality never hurt anyone
3. frozen yogurt machine, gluttony is a sin, but i've done worser things
4. one of those cool carry containers to carry baked goods, because i want to spread the love, with convenience !
5. sewing machine, i wanna try my chops and see if biting off store designs will work out for me
6. more orchids, their like my children where i only have to water them once a week, momma's babies
7. a nice conversation, i haven't had one of those in a while.
8. a surprise, i want my face to stretch to new limits in shock.
   

early birthday

i'm too lazy to think of anything to do for my birthday, such a hassle, why can't i have mind readers and have people who plan this stuff out for me so i can just go along for the ride in a complete and udder shock or surprise? that'd be cute.

umm, so it's his birthday today and mine tomorrow, i don't like how i remember but i remember for that fact only.

school's so repetative, like about ten or more years of this stuff, is monotonous and just hella boring to me now. i don't know why it's hitting me now, i don't call it senioritis, i call it not knowing what to do with myself because i'm scared outta my pants for what happens next year. i've been avoiding it, it makes me stress out and just think way too much in prepping for college stuff, but the days are going by and bam those apps gotta be in or your done for and living at home with mommy and she'll forever make your rice. not a bad deal, but i don't want to grow up, because i'm a late bloomer and it's like time's just telling me to haul ass to the big scary world.

the big world chews up, spits out, then chews up again, little sensitive asian girls like me.
i don't feel like i'm gonna be 17 tomorrow, just another day, where i can watch r rated movies, but just a reminder this is probably my last birthday at home and in high school where i don't have to worry about anything.

can you meet me halfway?

so yesterday was our four month anniversary =] =] =]
definitely feels like it's been A LOT longer than four months.

we went to alameda with the intentions of walking on the beach and eating at sushi house. you know, cheesy couple stuff =]

we ended up walking around southshore for hella long. drinking jamba juice. waiting til we got hungry. and buying wife-beaters for him, cause he really needed some new ones.

i wore flats that day. stupid me. took one step in the sand and BAM! sand all up in my toes. =[ so no cheesy beachwalk that day. plus there were hella people up in there cause it was lightweight hot.

instead of eating at sushi house, we went to applebees. LOL i had a craving for mashed potatoes (plus it was cheaper). i ended up not even getting mashed potatoes. i got some penne pasta though. yuumm.

it was nice =]. just the two of us.

we took the bus back to oakland, where i embarrassed myself, frustrating the bus driver cause i repeatedly put in my bus transfer ticket in the wrong way (even though it has a HUGE ass arrow telling you what way to put it in!)

went to A's party. had a good time. was kinda sad when i had to go home and not stay with vincent for the night =[. if i did stay with him, i woulda witnessed Will's bare ass. no thank you.

came home to see julia hiding behind my bedroom door. nice try guys, maybe you woulda gotten me if SOMEONE didn't start laughing LOL.




today. homework. and chill.

(500) days of summer

this movie was the story of my life, kinda. making greeting cards and city scapes can be a very common hobby and i loved this movie, because it had all that i was thinking made into a film with pretty music and a beautiful plot. watch it, it's definitely not a love story.

i drew the picture above on a random envelope when i was home alone, it's pretty much my interpretation of one of the scenes from the movie.

i like binging and getting fat when no one is home and just doing really dumb random stuff.

ohh and i found this quote on tumblr

"remember when getting high meant swings at the playground, the worst thing you could get from the opposite sex was cooties, your enemies were your teachers and your siblings, race issues were about who ran the fastest, war was a card game, the only drugs you knew about were cough medicine, and a girl that wore a skirt didn't have to be a slut, the only thing that hurt was skinned knees, and the only things that could be broken were your toys. life was simple and carefree, but what i remember the most was wanting to grow up"

CU Again!

lately, i've noticed how many songs out there actually relate to my life.
i guess that's what most artists try to aim for.

it was really hot today. i had to run for PE. and i looked gross afterwards. it was not pretty.

i thought i said something that hurt someone's feelings. turns out he's fine so no biggie. i was feeling pretty bad though. who knew yelling "YOU SUCK!" to someone can do that to you.

fridays are really annoying. hella tests. the test i thought i would fail, turned out to be the easiest. while the one i didn't even think about was the one i probably failed. FML. i don't understand french class anymore. i need madame dupois back. i liked her hand gestures.

don't ask me why i put up that picture up there. i just know that a lot of people are too lazy to actually READ a blog, so they just look at the pictures. =]

that picture does remind me of last year though. even though i'm glad i'm no longer a freshmen, freshmen year was probably one of my bests. it was enjoyable to say the least.

the picture up there is from when we went to eat sushi in berekely before watching our friend, Marcelo's play. it was a fun day. the play made me think. i just liked watching marcelo master his accents LOL. it was anais, my sister and me. good times

typical thursday

school's so mediocre, but i'm getting to know people i've never really talked to and they've never really talked to me, but they turn out to be hella cool, i like how i wait till senior year to get to know people. college apps are gonna kick my ass, but all this free time is lovely.

i really wanna watch 500 days of summer, it's a burning passion that must be taken care of, business must be taken care of. anyone wanna take to the movies ? i feel like it's one of those movies, where i'd walk out of the theatre just thinking what am i doing with my life or realizing a little somethin somethin about myself. i'm hella cynical and i'm not really a believer in relationships, i think sometimes when you're in a surrounding where everyone's texting/booty calling their boo thangs, it makes me just wanna be a cow and follow the herd. not good.

but it's nature. i don't even eat beef.

even if i do feel left out in that type of way, that's not a good reason to like someone, bad news right there, i know how i function best, and that's single, taking care of myself and just attending me and only me. it's a time to be selfish.

focus on the world of here-and-now

DAYUUUM that Confucius though

funny the things you learn about life through history

make that money

i'm applying for a job, and i'm doing my resume as we speak
i'm realizing i don't have too much to put on it.

wow, i'm a real gem.

mental breakdown. kill me now.

let the truth be told about asian americans

Asians are tight asses because of their parents.

"its all in the family" is right, because they tell their kids, work, money, work, work, then be a doctor and get rich. if anyone were to actually listen to their asian parents, it would be all downhill.

they don't know anything about friends, love, or actual emotion. they don't want us to have boyfriends because its a distraction to school, they don't want us to hang out with our friends because they want us to keep to our books and homework, they don't want us to go out because staying home is free, they don't know any better about how to live a life you'd actually consider a life.

7 out of 10 asian girls struggle to keep their boyfriends, because they have to lie, scheme, and twist the truth just so they can see them without getting beat with a chopstick. the lying and deceit can only go so far when anyone who's human feels guilty for it, because they actually believe her. about half of these asian girls aren't with their boyfriends anymore for this reason.

no wonder more than half of Asian teenagers can't wait to get their license.

my worst nightmare.

i'm needy, but i hide it to the best of my ability.

i'm a gleek

whoa, did blogspot eff up or something ? says we aren't following anybody.

today was a fine day, but i don't look at her the same, i wish i never heard what i heard, but i did. and whether good or bad, it's the fact i got mad at someone for something that wasn't all their bad; inconveniences are a turd, why can't we all keep to ourselves ?

i went home and watched glee, wow i love that show, it just speaks to me like no other, it's like a modern musical with plot and emotion, bravo. even though the high school setting is a tad over-rated, i never get sick of it, it's just one of those classic settings, where crap happens, and people gotta deal with it.

three blogs in a row

i'm about to take a nap, but i just thought i'd blog.

i don't think we can be friends, it's the first time we were face to face in about 6 months ? i learned a lot, it was crazy how much you could get out so much, but so little. today reminded me of why things didn't work out, despite all my crazed ridden blogs with me ranting on how much of an ass he was, we never solved anything. we'd have a world of problems, but never find any solutions to anything. that's asking for trouble right there.

now, i'm feeling like that neutrogena commercial i was talking about earlier, i realize i was looking into the face of someone who just made me go through all the life lessons in a fast forward pace. i don't hate him as much anymore, because it's about giving people second chances.

i've figured it out

forrsure, i messed up in the wayy beginning of things, truly, we're all immature high school kids who like to gossip, call he/she a whore or bitch, spends hours texting someone about 2 feet away, and not caring about anything because they don't have too. we're all too young to be stuck on grudges like i do, because people kill to be in high school again.

we're all too young to not get along or get hung up on the stupidest things.
basically i'm growing up as we speak, i'm 16 trying to go on 21, i need to stop trippin about stupid stuff and watch chowder

my birthday is in less than 2 weeks & i'd like a frozen yogurt machine and an open mind for forgiveness

history repeats itself

stupid teachers, i hate it when they are right. i've gotten really attached to blogging, it's weird, it's like school, homework, blog about my day or anything else that fits into the vague word of life

well, well, well, my head's totally screwed, it's one of those things where it's just doing too much, i take one little thing and just take it miles and miles, i'm in a neverending fight with my thoughts, and i always lose, chrystal said listen to happy music, i'm a good listener because i did just that

BUT guess who wants to start a little conversation starter ? everything is just lost, leave me to live my life is what i think because i'm doing to my part to help myself, why can't you ?

it's not me who is doing anything wrong, it's you. you did everything. i feel like he's knocking on my door but this time i'm home, i'm just under my bed hiding with a graphing calculator for a weapon.

amazing how you can do so much damage, i'm continuing the slowest conversation of his life right now because i liked things the way they were before, simple, clean, you know it's how you feel after watching those neutrogena commercials where you just wanna wash your face and call it a day

i tell myself what to do everyday, it's constant, i tell myself what to do, what not to do, what not to think, just everything, it's pretty schizo, because i do the complete opposite almost 99.9% of the time

by the way i'm a blog two timer, i blog hop on the daily, wow, just give me those fish nets and a corset, i'm a whore

i want frozen yogurt.

ordinary people don't do this kind of crap

thanks for the communicative attitude mister, i'm glad you decide to do all this now at the randomest possible moment of my life, on a sunday at about 12:30 ish ?

things are out in the open i guess, clarifications ? not really, just a whole bunch of memories brought to my attention. i know your side now and we're the same but different, i don't like that at all.

i think you're the only person who can get me this confused, i need to keep things to myself and give myself my own advice because everybody wants to try to help, but i'm the only one who knows me like the back of my hand.

he said i helped him be the person he was today, and he's realized that; sounds like someone grew up. i feel like i understand things more but i'm still uneasy on everything, why couldn't you stay out of my life and leave it to your girlfriend.

i don't like relating to all you had to say last night, thinking about us randomly and all, it's not right, that's not how things are supposed to go.

i don't like how you like how certain songs remind you of us, because it's the same for me. it's a lifetime of history with someone i ignore and treat like a stranger now.

i don't like how everything is a coincidence and that everything fell into place, john legend playlists aren't supposed to do this, none of this

i'm really scared, and no one likes being scared, hanging out to get out what we have to say about everything won't help anything because i don't want to do any of this again.

you aren't my problem anymore, you aren't supposed to be plaguing my mind right now, it was over a long time ago, and you did the damage.

demi lovato said it best here we go again

well hello there, you sexy thing =]

went to a john legend concert last night with anais =]
JOHN LEGEND! oh mann, was he dreamy.
overall it was a great night. hella good seats. not too close, yet not so far away that i can't see his face. basically, he's beautiful.

turns out his younger brother can sing too (the hella BUFF guy in the wifebeater)
estelle was there too, for like less than a minute for ONE song.
and john legend took clothes off. maybe not ALL of his clothes but enough to see his gorgeous body =]


highlight of my weekend =]

on another note, i'm completely procrastinating on homework at the moment. its not like i have A LOT to do but i'm just lazy.





guess which john legend picture is my favorite. GUESS. it should be your favorite too

life sucks

i feel pretty bad.

next time, i'll listen to my mama

i'm alone in this stupid world.

basically, i had a REALLY bad day. like i want it to be tomorrow already.

i need John Legend to make me happy.

i need someone to make me happy

let me think

i'm tired
i have to pee
and i don't know why i'm writing a blog right now.

i'm not that smart. i used to be, but that's long gone.
i know you're capable of doing things on your own.
so do it for goodness sakes.

it was very hot today. and we decided to walk home. we didn't make it. one of us passed out and we had to call 911.

i kid, i kid =]
my dad picked us up eventually. we were all dying from the heat of the hills.

you're not the boss of me. i refuse to be a pushover. i make my own decisions. you're lucky i'm a people-pleaser! if i wasn't, it would be my way or the highway. not really but i like to think that's how it would be

my mom wakes me up 10 minutes earlier than necessary. that is why i'm tired as hell right now.

i miss my bangs. sometimes my forehead needs a little warmth.

STOP drawing penises! you know who you are.

BLAAAT! i refuse to "GET SOME!" what does that even mean?

"ohh, hey, don't i DON'T know you"

life is at it's finest right now, yahh i just lied, i should be way happier at this point

senior year

but actually, no .. forgive me if i'm a debbie downer but i'm not too fond of social living, that one chick was right, it is overrated. it's like a waste period with cheap jokes that aren't funny, it's like a super laggingg conversation that just makes like the energizer bunny and goes on .. and on and on .. i'm dropping it, enough said, i don't care if it gets my senior project done, i'd rather have 5 classes

i forreal don't like school, and on top of that i feel like i'm closed into certain spots because of the dumb past, where if i go into straight up restricted zone, it's like giving myself an early death, all because of a little mishap with the opposite sex.

i don't like not knowing people when i certainly do, and i have to pretend we're not friends, never seen each other in all 16 years of my life, because i don't like lying to myself and saying, ignore the crap outta that kid whenever you see them, when you know their life story, their likes, dislikes, the basics and more. it's just asking for awkward.

i liked it before junior year, live freely
but i must say junior year was the best yet

i should be blogging about freakin school too, all the cool kids are doing it

WHAT A TURD NUGGET OF A DAY [and yesterday too] i'm not actually mad or anything, caps lock just has its way with words, but first day made me really just wanna go home, i got over this phase centuries ago when i wasn't so much of a loner and i had friends, but i started off getting an unpleasant surprise, with the person you want to have a class with actually in your class, i felt my black hair tingle because it was morphing into unattractive white hair

second period, i definitely have to give big upps to my counselor for putting me in regular english when i signed up for AP and did the summer assignment, this has happened to me once before and it's not fun, i haven't been in regular english since sophomore year, i felt like a red fish in a star fish pond with all these people i did not in a million years ever know went to skyline

i don't feel like complaining about my classes, because it's pointless, i just want to get those perks of senior priority in getting things fixed ASAP

this year doesn't feel right, i'm not getting those vibes of a good year just waiting to blossom, last year kicked my ass but it was so much fun, i don't want to grow up, i don't wanna go to sleep

i'm going to put a penny in my mouth to make it seem like i have a cold when my temperature gets measured because mommy, i don't wanna go to school

i miss my seniors, they made my day

melody

every missing piece in me, i can find in the melody..

school started. great.
to be honest, this was like one of the best summers i've ever had (if not the best)

my parents have given me more freedom.
freedom to go out
to hang out
and just chill

but thats probably only because of my lies.
i admit, i feel bad for lying to my parents but you have to do what you have to do. if that makes any sense

i miss summer a lot.

school is.. okay. i miss last year. i miss a lot of things.
but i'm sure things will get better.
trying to be optimistic. when i know things could possibly go downhill. but i try not to think about that.

i want him to come back to skyline.. yeah, cause i'm vulnerable like that. fuckme


there's a river in my mind that's never still..

i think we're alone now

listening to a playlist titled sunnyside up is very satisfying, government homework can kiss my behind by the way, i'm finally done =]

good job on leaving one day of a real summer for me, chiravann, you really know how to get em

i'm home alone and i want to be a couch potato all day, it's the least i deserve

i've realized my mind wanders about a million football fields far when i'm reading, i ask for complete silence, but asking for that is like asking my sister to hook up a computer all by herself. while i was in the middle of my ever so entertaining government book i hear someone singing, but my phone's on vibrate. then esther comes into play in my mind and i start hearing that creepy song she sings, but it wasn't. instead it was barney singing i love you with a ukulele in the background, stupid neighbors, i'm just like woww believing in destiny is on the edge for me right now

i like being at home because i can do the stupidest crap and eat as much as i'd like without people bothering me. it's bliss with my best friend the internet by my side.

i imagine

most girlfriends get mad over the littlest things. never imagined i'd be that type of girlfriend. but guess what?

i am.

but i let it go.

cause i know these types of fights aren't worth it.






it is hot. where was this heat earlier in the summer?

spit sucker

hello blogspot, i don't understand why you are also called blogger, but i support being versatile

the dentist sucked, 6 cavities in the back isn't fun and i found out i make this really dumb, weird face when they are operating, like kind of a squint for one eye but not the other, even though i'm capable of keeping both eyes open, with a scrunched up nose, sometimes i wonder what's going through my dentist's mind looking at outlandish looking faces all the time because their patients are in pain from their horrible assistants that don't know how to direct the stupid mouth vacuum we call a spit sucker

right now i'm in love with mangoes because they are goood and soft, my teeth hurt and spit it plentiful, my breathe will be kicking tonight because i can't brush them, dentist recommended

i lightweight hung out with my mom today, this lady got jokess =]

basically, i'm a hater

i glue into my brain the idea that i hate someone
i stick with it for the longest time
it makes every little thing about that person seem annoying to me
when in reality, its not
they're just being them
and i should except it cause thats why i became friends with them in the first place
so i'm gonna stop hating
these people are my friends
and i'm not gonna lie
i care about them
i say they're annoying as fuck
and maybe sometimes i mean it
and other times, they're the best people to be with to have some fun
cause everyone has their good and their bad, including me
and i'm not gonna mess with any of that
so no more hating
a lot more excepting

i'll try my best to make that my new way of life.


P.S. i am super hungry but my teeth hurt and i'm stressing and i'm gonna have a bad dream tonight. i know it. okay bye.

P.S.S. oh wait, i forgot to say some other stuff.
i'm also gonna try my best to stop judging people. ever since someone told me what she thought of someone else, i always had in my head "oh that person is no good, stay away" but after getting to know her (lightweight) and hearing her story and how much she means to the people i care about, i know she's pretty cool and worth getting to know.

so don't always listen to what people say. get to know them yourselves. it makes a difference.

i formed a new crew

G.M.B.O.D.

Get My Boyfriend Off Dota




just saying..

i miss him. AP homework - gotta get it done before i see him =[

i'm scared to go to sleep.. sorta

so recently i've been having really bad dreams. like HORRIBLE, such as : a guy i know tryna rape me (!), people trying to kill me, and someone trying to stab me with scissors. <- this won't turn purple for some reason, i guess it wants to be different

they come and they go, but they're just really bad and i end up waking up scared shitless.

the dream i had last night might've been the worst. in the dream it's some random guy, my sister and i. we're driving somewhere and the guy pulls out a gun. he starts to shoot me with it (only me). not shooting me so i'd die, just shooting me to hurt me. making the bullets graze my back and fingers and toes just to see the blood come out.
then once he's almost out of bullets, it turns out the last bullet was supposed to be used to kill HIM. wtf? but he "misses" and is still alive.
after that, we finally arrive at our destination. i'm bloody as hell and entering an elevator to a building with a whole bunch of confused people. when we get to the floor of our choice, we're waiting on Vincent and P for some reason. by that time, i'm bawling my eyes out until he finally arrives..

as i write this, i don't know why, but i'm tearing up. wow fml

at that point, i wake up and realize i'm crying forreal. not just in my dream. it's 6 o'clock in the morning and i just woke up from a freakin nightmare. i continue crying for at least 20 minutes.
i'm scared to sleep on my back because i just keep thinking about the gunshot wounds i had in my dream.

i think about texting Vincent but i don't want to wake him up. i couldn't go back to sleep for the longest time so i was just left there to stare into the darkness, scared out of my mind.



but on a LIGHTER NOTE - i went to a conference today. it was very boring. but i got a free tshirt and ten bucks! yay free things and money!

and i did no AP homework today. oh well. i blame AP homework for these bad dreams. stressss



someone give me a dreamcatcher. please =[

you fugly hoe

were you talking about me down there ? well you spend money like paper and buy cookies to make me jiggle; if i'm mistaken, then la didadada =]

no need

to be a little bitch

tetris

makes my eyes hurt. i don't know how people do it.

this is a retraction

to my previous blog, tumblr be confusing, confusing and me are cool sometimes, meaning never
my blogs are hella random nowadays, like seaweed in a bottle, cheerios in the toilet, hella crap that don't make sense but it's interesting to me

i've noticed a couple things (about myself and life in general):

1. people change left and right, like i was looking through my myspace friends today and i saw this one chick i was WTFing about, like "who the hell is this" type of business, and turns out, she was this old elementary school "friend" you could say and she .. let herself go; sorry if that's super mean but i see blogs as like my brain's second home; truly amazed at how this happened, REALLY .

2. being blunt as hell can be a beautiful thing but then it can be an easy ticket to getting on the bitch train; but say what you feel right ? my mind has it's thoughts, more shady/effed up business than compliments that would make a fat kid's self esteem go from a t-shirt and shorts to a skimpy bikini in the summer; i have my opinions and let me tell you they should have a warning sign

3. people are getting together like magnets ! i've said this before but man the ones you never expect to see together just hit it off like peas in a pod; WTH but it's cute at the same time so EFF ME annoying, let's take the time to get to know everybody else instead of settling down like the world's gonna explode tomorrow

4. probably the most important to chiravann 101, i'm a jealous hoe, simple as that, i have no life, i feed off of everyone elses, i'm a freakin sponge, biter, everything; this is the same girl who stopped eating ketchup for a whole year because that dumb asian chick she wanted to be friends with disliked it with a passion; i want what i can't have, i'm painted green and live in the sea, i'm a straight up hater, because i always wanna win, nothing i say is true, i lie through my teeth and think your hair sucks

the truth is scary.

i've intended this blog to be "deep" but i don't think it worked.

P.S. i'm in love with ******, yahh a lot of people with six lettered names, you think you know who it is, but you're wrong i'll never tell

hi to those kids who are reading this by the way, i didn't think anyone read this stuff

i have converted to TUMBLR

find me, sykee it's a secret

i really hate

AP summer assignments.



someone kill me now.



all good, one day this will all be in the past, right?





P.S. i also hate dota. i'm a very happy person =]

the good and the bad

hawaii

the good: beautiful beaches, lovely weather, i come back with a tan (sorta), great attractions like the Dole Plantation, pretty views EVERYWHERE, lots of places to shop, you get to figure out your hawaiian name - just call me Lakema =]

the bad: stupid maui divers jewelers trapped us into buying hella jewelry! , lots and lots of tourists crowding the streets, rocks that hurt my toes underwater, 6 hour plane ride with a crying baby (i swear i was hearing like a symphony of babies crying!)

i'm definitely going back. i like getting dark and looking like a true Cambodian. kidding =]

live for everything, die for nothing

there are some great people out there, i met them last weekend
one weekend can change everything, everyone has a hidden agenda, just misunderstood and vulnerable like you and me, i guess this is why the doctor recommends friends ? it's like light on life where the real world slogan is the new buddha

i thought i knew, but i had no idea
everyone has a story, and every story needs its readers

finally my hair is donated, but a skimpy bob sucks at times but it's only hair right ?
reasons why i love short hair [sort of]
-shampoo saver, a penny size is more than enough
-takes me 5 seconds to brush it
-hair tie tans ? who needs them
-finally, my head can breathe
-no more fixing this and that, it is what it is
reasons why long hair is always nice
-i can braid it !
-now i have to put sunblock on the back of my neck
-hair flips are epic
-covers my gross shoulders
-what am i gonna twirl and twist ?!

p.s.
ALOHA .

things that make me cry: a guy named vincent

August 10th at 3:09am

FACEBOOK inbox

Avalanche

The stones of love tumbles into the ground
Falling apart and shattering as it hits the ground
Little resemblance left from the huge beauty
My poem won’t connect all together by the way
Again to I want to tell you
These little fights
Are nothing more than
Just bug bites
Hurts and itches now
But gone away forever after
Building again from the ground up
To show up our affection
Misunderstandings and all are just to be built on
Two different species so close together
Unknown to one another, but yet the two are so connected
Hitting off on a level of sight
Only enough for a glimpse
The one species, tall and powerful, is weak
Unable to show the feelings that’s truly within
Hurting the smaller and younger one
Tears of hatred and depression fall down her face
But to the tall one, it is not known
For he doesn’t understand why, but says he does
For he is I and she is you
I can only imagine the struggles
I can only imagine what pain I put you through
I can only imagine ways to make up
I can only imagine you and me together in harmony
To make it happen will go for a long run
Far down the road, will I be committed enough
Far down the aisle, will you still be by my side
A confused young man nearly lost you and could’ve
You, You, were strong enough to hold yourself up
Stayed up and strong to sleep away
For I on the other hand, am still here
Waiting for you to awake again
Finally seeing what’s true to me
My eyes can only see
That’s its really you

FACEBOOK wall post

I haven't been able to sleep and still can't. But i feel good inside and happy now and i know you may not feel the same yet, but i want you to know that I promise i will try my best to show you how much i care about you and what you mean to me. I'd hate to lose you just because of me. As i write this tears are forming in my eyes and you may not believe me, but you mean a lot to me and now its slowly dripping down my face. I'd text you or call you but you're sleeping. Believe me, i know i ain't showed much to you, but i'll try harder from now on.

FACEBOOK status

I've come to the conclusion, Ratema, im glad i'm with you and we had our talk. I'm happy and enjoying life with you. I wish i could tell you this in person right now.

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he's trying. for him, for me, and for our entire relationship =]