not cool

in english, i had to write an essay sitting on the ground. my classes are PACKED to the point where people are forced to stand or sit on the ground.
i gotta rush to my classes to get a seat now. boo

no excitement this year,

you know during the morning of the first day of school, you're so incredibly excited that you wake up EXTRA early?

not this year.

i thought about the reasons behind this and i realized that i saw everyone i wanted to see during the summer - everyone else was just kind of whatever. i'm just anticipating the heavy workload and the bad attitudes to come, but i'm excited to AP English! i feel like i'll learn a lot and hella happy they switched me into Rapson!

so i was up in APUSH and i actually rose my hand and spoke about what i thought about the reading. usually, i don't say shit and let other people speak but this time i was like "FUCK IT, i'm gonna voice my opinions!" being in hella programs really helped me out with my speaking skills. i WANT to talk in class. i like discussions and shit. i'm excited.

afterschool, i ate and took a nap that felt so fucking goood!
keep the good times rollin'

waterworld

i went with my cousin and family friends today. the rides were hella fun. there were some creepers, but i was really comfortable in my bathing suit (other than some maufunctions in the upper area and wedgies going down slides).

came home tired as hell and with some bad tan lines.

here's the thing about school,

it's one of those love/hate relationships.

i love getting to know new people and just chilling with friends. i love the events and i love the enthusiasm.

i do not like ignorant people and i do not like sitting through boring-ass lectures. plus stress stresses me out. i be getting those mental breakdowns where i end up not doing shit and just cry.

SAFIRE Fun Day

Spent the day with my SAFIRE girls in Santa Cruz yesterday. i had a ton of fun.
we started by going to UC Santa Cruz and asking some of the college girls questions, ate lunch at Natural Bridges Beach. i love playing in the water and jumping in the waves!
afterward we went to the Boardwalk. my gum flew out in one of the rides and rolled off of Sophia's foot. oops. went through a laser challenge (and felt like a secret agent) and then walked through the "Fright Walk" where shit kept popping out at us. i won a duck! by doing the simplest thing ever. all i did was pick up a rubber duck from the rotating water. really, that's all you do. i named my duck Tequila ;]
for dinner we went to an Italian restaurant with hella good food and GREAT desert called the Frozen Potato. yumm
Sophia and I stole spoons from the restaurant, SHHH!

overall, it was a great day. all the girls have really positive attitudes and you just can't help but have hella fun with them.

PLUS, one of the volunteers (whose car I happened to ride shotgun in) wasn't bad looking. haha

NEVER EVER EAT DEEP-FRIED TWINKIES! CUZ DEEP-FRIED OREOS ARE SO MUCH BETTER!

people say you have the ability to control your own emotions,

teach me.
because i find this impossible.

QUOTES OF THE DAY:
"PONYO, you're my best friend!"
"I would hit on you but I'm busy."

here's the thing,

my sister doesn't listen.
i know it.
my mom knows it.
all the guys that has tried to get at her knows it.

THIS is a problem, since she no longer lives at home and she BARELY EVER replies to my texts.

here we go.

i got my own room

my sister moved out today. i helped her move into her dorm. my parents cut out early and i stayed to help her unpack and chill with Eugene and his roommate (who is 16 and from DC!)
overall, pretty fun. a lot of the people there are friendly. tryna have a rave party there one time. i bought myself a CAL hoodie and a hat for my dad. my sister got a hoodie as well.
collegelife seems so cool. there's just this whole aura of freedom. like "my parents aren't here so i'm not gonna pick up my dirty underwear!" yeah, it be like that sometimes.

and now i'm home. my own room, my own closet, and no sister :[

Pet peeves

I only have two big pet peeves.
the first one is when people use the word "gay" and "retarded" as insults. This truly gets to me because these words should not be used in a negative way. Being gay is not a bad thing or something to feel bad about. And retardation is a disability, especially nothing to be used as an insult. It makes me so uncomfortable when people say these words negatively. A lot of the time I say something but I don't want to come off as the lecturing type.
My second pet peeve is when people touch my pillow. Don't put your grimy hands on my pillow cuz my face sleeps on it every night!

he doesn't realize the consequences of his actions. eating unhealthy, late night games, bad business.

I can't be with someone that thinks I'm annoying. Something has to change. But the thing is - I shouldn't have to change for anyone or anything.

a quote & business

imperfections are what makes people individuals, feel me?

the SAFIRE Summer Celebration is this Thursday and I'm hoping the people that I invited are gonna come through. There are a lot of people on the "Maybe" list on the facebook event, and I'm not feeling it. EVEN VINCENT IS ON THE "MAYBE" LIST!
I just assumed that because I go to many of THEIR events, they would support me as well. WE'LL SEE. maybe there isn't that reciprocal effect that i was hoping for.

I'm really excited for the event though. Everyone has great projects. I'm nervous to recite my spoken word piece. I need to practice and memorize that shiet. AHHHH!

Definition.

Ratema Uch cannot be found in a dictionary.
I am Cambodian,
but I don't look it.
I am Cambodian,
but I don't speak it.
I am Cambodian,
but I am defined as American.
How do we define ourselves?
Definition.
A word defined by its own definition:
The act of defining or making definite
Definition.
My parents saw death firsthand,
courtesy of the Khmer Rouge.
They hoped for a marriage
that would last overseas
- an American lifestyle
that would give them the definition of "normal".
My parents define me.
From a country where trash is more frequent than dirt
- Cambodia.
This country defines me.
From a society that plants ideas in our head
like Inception.
This society tries to define me.
As a daughter,
I work hard to make my parents proud,
but what they don't know
is that they made me proud
- Surviving a battle that took them years to overcome,
They made it.
Pass the Killing Fields
and into a big yellow house on a hill.
Their determination defines me.
Through the struggles of our parents and our ancestors,
The battles of our past,
And the hopes and dreams of our future.
There are some things in life that cannot be defined in one sentence.
And I stand among them.
I am defined by the endeavors of my parents,
the success of my sister,
the ghosts of Cambodia,
and the births of my future.
I am above the definition.

- written by me but rearranged by Christsna Sot :]

here's what happened

the more i got to know you, the more i didn't like you. but that's just you.

EVERYONE ELSE goes like this - the more i got to know you, the more i grew to LOVE YOUR ASS! that's how it is most of the time for me. i like to think i'm a positive person on the outside, but on the inside - negativity runs wild.

summer pictures

i have none. i don't carry a camera around with me and i guess the people i hang out with don't carry cameras around with them either. oh well. imma stick with these facebook pictures that i steal from other people's albums - the ones from prom, graduation, etc.

i'm slowly morphing into Vincent. oh god.

Wishing on a shooting star

Yesterday was an ideal summer day for me.
Went to Safire from two to six and then met up with Eugene and Cameron to watch Step Up 3D. The plot was laughable when it was supposed to be serious but the dancing was on point. Afterwards my sister and I met up with Souriya and Sidney to go watch the meteor shower in the Berkeley hills. There was a whole mobb of people we knew that were already there.
My sister and I rode in the trunk of souriya's car cuz there was no room. Bad choice. Never again. We migrated from the Berkeley hills to Grizzly Peak, where it was much less foggy.
Everyone kept seeing shooting stars and I didn't see shit, but when I finally did, I was hella excited. The shooting stars and possibly meteors kept coming! I was glad to spend it with the people around me. Jojo and Vincent got excited to see an airplane, acting like it was such a rare sighting.

Jojo: ew what the fuck is that?! Oh it's just Arthur.

There was hella roasting going on. We went to Denny's after and waiting hella long for food, cracking jokes with the waitress and secruity guard. Even though I got hone at like 4 or 5 in the morning, it was so worth it.

Damn straight I made a wish on that shooting star.

i like to take unattractive pictures,

i can't camera whore anymore. camera whoring is full of fake smiles. i'd rather document REAL smiles. those are the ones i want to remember always.

i'm not gonna blast this shit on facebook,

but i WILL blast it on blogspot.

TEAM EUGENE.

STP

i love my STP family.
by the end of the retreat, i felt so GOOD. i let everything out and appreciated everyone who shared those stories. i told people how much they meant to me and i felt so light and free. i felt comfortable talking to every one of them and i'm so glad i met these people.

i noticed the difference in people once i got back in Oakland. they were nicer, more open, and understanding.
shit, i would do it again any day of the week. :D

i really want to just blurt out,

BRUHH, YOU'RE HELLA CHEESY. is my sister really changing your life right now? you guys JUST started hanging out a week ago!
this is unbelievable. i like you, you're cool and all - but you're falling in way too deep, way too fast. should you really be buying her a $50 watch after like two dates? OH GODDD, i don't understand this.

passion

the other day, my sister told me that she thinks making out is over-rated. i completely disagree. and then i tell her this story:
"on the day Vincent asked me out, he picked me up and kissed me. when i was off the ground and feeling his lips on mine, i literally felt like the world was spinning around me and when i opened my eyes, i was surprised that we were still at the same spot."

my sister broke down laughing - maybe it was all the hand gestures i told along with the story. but THIS is what i remember like it was yesterday. THIS is what makes making out anything but over-rated. it just has to be with the right person.

turkeys

Shane: hey guys, do you wanna see a family of turkeys?
Uch's: YEAH! YEAH!
Shane: *points* well they were there the last time i was here.
Me: so you're showing us where they used to be?
Shane: basically.

coo.