i think we're alone now

listening to a playlist titled sunnyside up is very satisfying, government homework can kiss my behind by the way, i'm finally done =]

good job on leaving one day of a real summer for me, chiravann, you really know how to get em

i'm home alone and i want to be a couch potato all day, it's the least i deserve

i've realized my mind wanders about a million football fields far when i'm reading, i ask for complete silence, but asking for that is like asking my sister to hook up a computer all by herself. while i was in the middle of my ever so entertaining government book i hear someone singing, but my phone's on vibrate. then esther comes into play in my mind and i start hearing that creepy song she sings, but it wasn't. instead it was barney singing i love you with a ukulele in the background, stupid neighbors, i'm just like woww believing in destiny is on the edge for me right now

i like being at home because i can do the stupidest crap and eat as much as i'd like without people bothering me. it's bliss with my best friend the internet by my side.

i imagine

most girlfriends get mad over the littlest things. never imagined i'd be that type of girlfriend. but guess what?

i am.

but i let it go.

cause i know these types of fights aren't worth it.






it is hot. where was this heat earlier in the summer?

spit sucker

hello blogspot, i don't understand why you are also called blogger, but i support being versatile

the dentist sucked, 6 cavities in the back isn't fun and i found out i make this really dumb, weird face when they are operating, like kind of a squint for one eye but not the other, even though i'm capable of keeping both eyes open, with a scrunched up nose, sometimes i wonder what's going through my dentist's mind looking at outlandish looking faces all the time because their patients are in pain from their horrible assistants that don't know how to direct the stupid mouth vacuum we call a spit sucker

right now i'm in love with mangoes because they are goood and soft, my teeth hurt and spit it plentiful, my breathe will be kicking tonight because i can't brush them, dentist recommended

i lightweight hung out with my mom today, this lady got jokess =]

basically, i'm a hater

i glue into my brain the idea that i hate someone
i stick with it for the longest time
it makes every little thing about that person seem annoying to me
when in reality, its not
they're just being them
and i should except it cause thats why i became friends with them in the first place
so i'm gonna stop hating
these people are my friends
and i'm not gonna lie
i care about them
i say they're annoying as fuck
and maybe sometimes i mean it
and other times, they're the best people to be with to have some fun
cause everyone has their good and their bad, including me
and i'm not gonna mess with any of that
so no more hating
a lot more excepting

i'll try my best to make that my new way of life.


P.S. i am super hungry but my teeth hurt and i'm stressing and i'm gonna have a bad dream tonight. i know it. okay bye.

P.S.S. oh wait, i forgot to say some other stuff.
i'm also gonna try my best to stop judging people. ever since someone told me what she thought of someone else, i always had in my head "oh that person is no good, stay away" but after getting to know her (lightweight) and hearing her story and how much she means to the people i care about, i know she's pretty cool and worth getting to know.

so don't always listen to what people say. get to know them yourselves. it makes a difference.

i formed a new crew

G.M.B.O.D.

Get My Boyfriend Off Dota




just saying..

i miss him. AP homework - gotta get it done before i see him =[

i'm scared to go to sleep.. sorta

so recently i've been having really bad dreams. like HORRIBLE, such as : a guy i know tryna rape me (!), people trying to kill me, and someone trying to stab me with scissors. <- this won't turn purple for some reason, i guess it wants to be different

they come and they go, but they're just really bad and i end up waking up scared shitless.

the dream i had last night might've been the worst. in the dream it's some random guy, my sister and i. we're driving somewhere and the guy pulls out a gun. he starts to shoot me with it (only me). not shooting me so i'd die, just shooting me to hurt me. making the bullets graze my back and fingers and toes just to see the blood come out.
then once he's almost out of bullets, it turns out the last bullet was supposed to be used to kill HIM. wtf? but he "misses" and is still alive.
after that, we finally arrive at our destination. i'm bloody as hell and entering an elevator to a building with a whole bunch of confused people. when we get to the floor of our choice, we're waiting on Vincent and P for some reason. by that time, i'm bawling my eyes out until he finally arrives..

as i write this, i don't know why, but i'm tearing up. wow fml

at that point, i wake up and realize i'm crying forreal. not just in my dream. it's 6 o'clock in the morning and i just woke up from a freakin nightmare. i continue crying for at least 20 minutes.
i'm scared to sleep on my back because i just keep thinking about the gunshot wounds i had in my dream.

i think about texting Vincent but i don't want to wake him up. i couldn't go back to sleep for the longest time so i was just left there to stare into the darkness, scared out of my mind.



but on a LIGHTER NOTE - i went to a conference today. it was very boring. but i got a free tshirt and ten bucks! yay free things and money!

and i did no AP homework today. oh well. i blame AP homework for these bad dreams. stressss



someone give me a dreamcatcher. please =[

you fugly hoe

were you talking about me down there ? well you spend money like paper and buy cookies to make me jiggle; if i'm mistaken, then la didadada =]

no need

to be a little bitch

tetris

makes my eyes hurt. i don't know how people do it.

this is a retraction

to my previous blog, tumblr be confusing, confusing and me are cool sometimes, meaning never
my blogs are hella random nowadays, like seaweed in a bottle, cheerios in the toilet, hella crap that don't make sense but it's interesting to me

i've noticed a couple things (about myself and life in general):

1. people change left and right, like i was looking through my myspace friends today and i saw this one chick i was WTFing about, like "who the hell is this" type of business, and turns out, she was this old elementary school "friend" you could say and she .. let herself go; sorry if that's super mean but i see blogs as like my brain's second home; truly amazed at how this happened, REALLY .

2. being blunt as hell can be a beautiful thing but then it can be an easy ticket to getting on the bitch train; but say what you feel right ? my mind has it's thoughts, more shady/effed up business than compliments that would make a fat kid's self esteem go from a t-shirt and shorts to a skimpy bikini in the summer; i have my opinions and let me tell you they should have a warning sign

3. people are getting together like magnets ! i've said this before but man the ones you never expect to see together just hit it off like peas in a pod; WTH but it's cute at the same time so EFF ME annoying, let's take the time to get to know everybody else instead of settling down like the world's gonna explode tomorrow

4. probably the most important to chiravann 101, i'm a jealous hoe, simple as that, i have no life, i feed off of everyone elses, i'm a freakin sponge, biter, everything; this is the same girl who stopped eating ketchup for a whole year because that dumb asian chick she wanted to be friends with disliked it with a passion; i want what i can't have, i'm painted green and live in the sea, i'm a straight up hater, because i always wanna win, nothing i say is true, i lie through my teeth and think your hair sucks

the truth is scary.

i've intended this blog to be "deep" but i don't think it worked.

P.S. i'm in love with ******, yahh a lot of people with six lettered names, you think you know who it is, but you're wrong i'll never tell

hi to those kids who are reading this by the way, i didn't think anyone read this stuff

i have converted to TUMBLR

find me, sykee it's a secret

i really hate

AP summer assignments.



someone kill me now.



all good, one day this will all be in the past, right?





P.S. i also hate dota. i'm a very happy person =]

the good and the bad

hawaii

the good: beautiful beaches, lovely weather, i come back with a tan (sorta), great attractions like the Dole Plantation, pretty views EVERYWHERE, lots of places to shop, you get to figure out your hawaiian name - just call me Lakema =]

the bad: stupid maui divers jewelers trapped us into buying hella jewelry! , lots and lots of tourists crowding the streets, rocks that hurt my toes underwater, 6 hour plane ride with a crying baby (i swear i was hearing like a symphony of babies crying!)

i'm definitely going back. i like getting dark and looking like a true Cambodian. kidding =]

live for everything, die for nothing

there are some great people out there, i met them last weekend
one weekend can change everything, everyone has a hidden agenda, just misunderstood and vulnerable like you and me, i guess this is why the doctor recommends friends ? it's like light on life where the real world slogan is the new buddha

i thought i knew, but i had no idea
everyone has a story, and every story needs its readers

finally my hair is donated, but a skimpy bob sucks at times but it's only hair right ?
reasons why i love short hair [sort of]
-shampoo saver, a penny size is more than enough
-takes me 5 seconds to brush it
-hair tie tans ? who needs them
-finally, my head can breathe
-no more fixing this and that, it is what it is
reasons why long hair is always nice
-i can braid it !
-now i have to put sunblock on the back of my neck
-hair flips are epic
-covers my gross shoulders
-what am i gonna twirl and twist ?!

p.s.
ALOHA .

things that make me cry: a guy named vincent

August 10th at 3:09am

FACEBOOK inbox

Avalanche

The stones of love tumbles into the ground
Falling apart and shattering as it hits the ground
Little resemblance left from the huge beauty
My poem won’t connect all together by the way
Again to I want to tell you
These little fights
Are nothing more than
Just bug bites
Hurts and itches now
But gone away forever after
Building again from the ground up
To show up our affection
Misunderstandings and all are just to be built on
Two different species so close together
Unknown to one another, but yet the two are so connected
Hitting off on a level of sight
Only enough for a glimpse
The one species, tall and powerful, is weak
Unable to show the feelings that’s truly within
Hurting the smaller and younger one
Tears of hatred and depression fall down her face
But to the tall one, it is not known
For he doesn’t understand why, but says he does
For he is I and she is you
I can only imagine the struggles
I can only imagine what pain I put you through
I can only imagine ways to make up
I can only imagine you and me together in harmony
To make it happen will go for a long run
Far down the road, will I be committed enough
Far down the aisle, will you still be by my side
A confused young man nearly lost you and could’ve
You, You, were strong enough to hold yourself up
Stayed up and strong to sleep away
For I on the other hand, am still here
Waiting for you to awake again
Finally seeing what’s true to me
My eyes can only see
That’s its really you

FACEBOOK wall post

I haven't been able to sleep and still can't. But i feel good inside and happy now and i know you may not feel the same yet, but i want you to know that I promise i will try my best to show you how much i care about you and what you mean to me. I'd hate to lose you just because of me. As i write this tears are forming in my eyes and you may not believe me, but you mean a lot to me and now its slowly dripping down my face. I'd text you or call you but you're sleeping. Believe me, i know i ain't showed much to you, but i'll try harder from now on.

FACEBOOK status

I've come to the conclusion, Ratema, im glad i'm with you and we had our talk. I'm happy and enjoying life with you. I wish i could tell you this in person right now.

-----------------------

he's trying. for him, for me, and for our entire relationship =]

we all got problems, let's share

STP retreat this weekend, right? workshops about our families coming to america, games, and serious bonding time.

once we separated the guys and the girls for separate workshops, it got real. we started out stretching and doing squats. then we gave each other GREAT massages. but then we started to talk about sisterhood. we all shared separate stories - life experiences, thoughts and opinions. tears were shed multiple times. but it didn't stop there.

once we mixed back with the guys, we learned how much women should be appreciated by the people around us and saw how the guys really got to understand that in their workshop.
as we shared what and who we appreciated during this trip, we shed some more tears, including the guys. we realized how much of a family we've become in less than 3 days and how we can cry in front of all these people we haven't even known for that long, but we can't even cry in front of our own family members - the people we've known all our lives.

it was nice getting to know these people and hearing their stories and feeling the pain they felt. i feel like by talking about the things that hurt us the most, we're brought together.

best retreat so far. i loved it. the place, the food, the games, and especially THE PEOPLE.

3 days of ups and downs

almost three days straight spent with him. had good times and bad times. id say more good than bad which is VERY good. =]

lots of laughs. lots of video games that he NEEDS to jump off of! game nerd. dota aint your life. yeah, i know you're gonna read this!

jam-packed week coming up. lets go. want my paycheck. safire summer celebration. fun day in 'frisco. and STP retreat. i've revealed too much information already..