lesson learned

i know what i don't want to be,

a dead-living, psycho-therapy, "oh my life is over", whining and bitching, hanging onto something that happened weeks/months/years ago, still not deleting his old texts, spying on his myspace and looking through his comments trying to "investigate" the stupid girls who are trying to get on his nuts, thinking about his stupidity during your downtime when you GET IT . he's shit that never mattered so move on, scribbling in that journal you abuse with crap about still not being over him and considering a mental illness that needs to be checked up by a doctor because as that hot mama Katy Perry says got a case of a love bipolar, keeper of the love sucks/i took out the trash playlist on repeat, user of the excuse i keep seeing him everywhere so it's still hard for me to get over that loser, self-reminder to get on with your life to the point you're getting sick of yourself even opening your mouth, liar that says one thing and does another, waiter that's just waiting to go back to the stupid past hoping things will be "okay" when you know and i know things aren't point blank, stresser of the littlest things he does like texting a yo, loser who doesn't favor a thing called time and has nothing better to do than wonder what he's doing or think about the possible shit he is or isn't talking about you, depressed homie who can't have any fun because she's too busy complaining about how much fun he's having nuisance to the human population oh hell to the no, you won't be finding this job description under my name

i know what i want

to be the person i've always been boy or no boy, happy to the point where it looks like someone chased you around for an hour with a botox needle, unphased by anybody other than me, life on its way to the epitome of where i wanna go and then some, to live, dress, speak, and think for myself about every second of the life with the mucho thick under construction sign taped over it, to be anything but just another love sick girl that clings to the past "why should i risk my future with my past ?" role model for the real deal without the baggage

despite all the shit he put me through, i don't regret anything because this is a perfect example of the exception, they say we learn from our mistakes, but this wasn't a mistake and i'm learning more than those know-it-all magazines can tell you in two pages max. because sure, it's an obvious ending, you'd have to have a lazy eye and a glass eye to match to not see that, but it's really an absolutely amazing, fantasic, don't forget MAGICAL, gorgeous complimented with the drop dead sexy, i'm singing in the rain with no umbrella, just great beginning

nobody waits for a love sick suckkaa .

P.S. i appreciate you very much, for everything, i love you as much as i tap the jamba juice & for being there, you're lovely .

emo loves the mind of an american teenager

"expect the worst, hope for the best"

venting should help ?
this crap hurts like being elbowed in the boob consecutively, it comes at you fast but you can't really say the same for the aftermath. you could say you saw it coming, but not like that.

more than a facebook status that doesn't mean anything, it's the bottom of the ocean feeling where you don't know what to do with yourself and you realize things have changed

"it's never the changes you want that change everything"

i'd be lying if i said it was a waste of time, because i've never had that fuzzy feeling in my stomach this many times, or the countless mornings just wondering, fun while it lasted, but i couldn't really say how long it'd last.

i'm not gonna talk shit about you and how stupid you are, but who knew you could meld that bust your windows anger and the emo, sappy break up song depression together

blame having a life the doesn't revolve around his big fat head ? yes .

blame unhappy, emo moments in feeding off the other half, but not quite the other ? yes .

blame things that are easier said than done ? yes .

but who's pointing fingers ? let's not play the blame game, even though its so damn easy

where do we go from here - alicia keys
it's definitely something you know, and something i do but you're really never gonna have even sides, you can figure things out & leave us friends, so you'll put me at a cross road to make a decision ? we could do what you want, but that doesn't change things or how i feel and it sucks for me because i knew where i was going, most definitely, for the longest time until now
bottom line, give me a one way ticket to friendship status .

i hate this part - pussycat dolls
speak for itself, nobody likes having to deal with the shit we call the inevitable. yah, the reflective, "what am i gonna do without this person", my life is over, quiet & idle emotions after someone cuts the chain. time could equal the solution but it's only good for so long, and it's bound to happen or blow over, hopefully in shorter time than others

everybody knows - john legend

everybody knows it wasn't working, "different pages" can mean a lot of things but they all point to the fact nobody knows any better than the next person. we go through things as they happen, thinking we have the everything down to a science, but when the big, fat neon sign lights up with the NEWS FLASH, we're back to where we started, no where.
the fact is everybody didn't know what was coming next, count me into that one .

better in time - leona lewis

definitely self explanatory

there's definitely more, but theyre better left unsaid
that whole, let's stay friends shit doesn't count for anything because i still like you and all your stupid flaws you don't see, but no reason to hang onto something where there's no one on the other end

truth is, life's gonna be hard for a while, trying to stop yourself from doing something you have no control over, and just leaving yourself within four walls you don't want to be in

self assurance is key; i'll be okay, life doesn't wait for that emo girl who still thinks about that fat headed kid forever, so i'm gonna jump on that and skip the love playlists on itunes and just go .

P.S. you were my best friend, still are & thanks, just thanks .

ratema was eaten

and so the blogging begins.
you know those hours when you're home alone and bored out of your freakin' mind? yah, i'm having one of those hours. television does not interest me at the moment so i've resorted to the well-known world-wide web and singing[screaming] out taylor swift songs. now my throat kinda hurts. that taylor swift brings it mann.
my sister is out and about doing her teenager thing until we head to brentwood later where we're usually greeted with food, cambodian karaoke, and our longtime homies. i really should get dressed since i'm still in my jammies but when have i ever been on time?

i'm gonna post this now. [there's too much pressure into blogging!]