jason mraz is my life stylist

i went lemon picking this weekend ! fun, in touch with nature type of business, despite getting stuck in the branches from my height deformity, but its all good; movies with lovely cousins, self defense with nora, shopping in the city on the DL & the greatest waffles in a while is definitely equivalent to life in all aspects i'd like to see more of

no problems whatsoever, other than the typical "i hate school" rants and tireless doze-off-ish moments, but that's normal, everyone knows normal doesn't account for those juicy blogs, but being problem-free is worth it trust me; i come home to a life to attend not that high school drama that leads to nothing but unnecessary reasons for your brain to do that "in-depth thinking" and decision making to deal with all that, life's good for once, and all i have to say is
i'm in love .
with life as we know it; it's a beautiful thing
current verb at the moment ? enjoy

post statement : jason mraz definitely knows what he's talking about, his songs make me want to go to the beach and build sandcastles, A plus for that one, mraz

it's the climb

sometimes you shouldn't hold grudges.
sometimes you should just let things go.
sometimes you should trust your gut.
sometimes you should just be happy.
sometimes you should let your anger out.
sometimes you should just go all out.
sometimes you should follow the rules.
sometimes you should sing a little too loudly.
sometimes you should make a fool of yourself.
sometimes you should take a chance.

other times you should just say "screw it".
cause most of these times change your life.

one of those fml weeks

in the littlest situations, i would think to myself, "fuck my life."
actually, in any situation that involve anything but happiness, i think to myself "fuck my life."
this has been happening to me a lot lately after a certain situation came my way.

is there a cure for this fml syndrome? not yet. i'm still looking. searching hard. no answers have come my way just yet.

i have plenty of things to be happy about, not much reason to be so cynical but theres a reason why i'm calling this fml syndrome. it won't go away that easily.

FML.

it's spring

life's great, yay .
a fresh start

kick, push, coast

a lot can change in a lunch period ? denial to what he knows he did, and lightweight denial on my part, but it's agreed, i said what i had to say, and a red light to all that gossiping that's been going on, we're "cool"; just a way to get everything off my back

i'm feeling great, good, fantastic, no worries, business is finished finally, time for life to take its course, you have no idea how good things are going, nothing to worry about, nobody but me, as it should be, definitely grateful of everything, feels like the smell of cinnamon on christmas, the warm fuzzy feeling to everything that's in front of me, none of this oh i hella want this, i hella want that, the bottom line reads otherwise, because what i already have is definitely to my liking

yay for the conclusion of the anger ridden rants that i doubt anyone really care about, ending to an era, open season for the next, all i have to say it bring it because i'm beyond ready, engines started, let's hear the foot to the gas petal
can i get a vroom for the first time in a while ?

if you insist

stop. just stop being the hypocrite you know you are, we're not "feuding" so why are you still talking about me ? personally, i'd like to think there's a little voice in there just telling you to shut the fuck up, take your own advice and close it

why can't i go a week without hearing this and that or you saying the shadiest shit ever, c'mon and be the bigger person, but i guess it's really hard since you've gone fun size minus the fun .

fyi, hell to the no i'm not stalking you and that little girlfriend of yours, i'm not checking up on you 24/7, day and night, forreals ? why do you think so much of yourself that i'm still on you like that, because i don't give a rat's ass about anything related to you, you guys go out now, good for you, just drop it, i have a life and i'm living it without this shit trailing my ass like a fifty foot long piece of toilet paper because you've made it that long, congratulations on being the best douche bag ever, seriously give yourself a round of applause, you've earned it

and why am i still frustrated about this, because the fact that he's making it so hard for things to let go because it takes two, and i'm just waiting for the day he'll realize, it's done, nothing more, go back to your car you love so much, your late night gym runs, and your seventh street wannabe dreams, because whatever you do leave me out of it, that's the way you wanted it, so take it and leave it

i'm definitely not gonna sit back and take all this shit when i shouldn't be, we aren't friends, nope not cool, when you stop putting all this on me is the day i'll consider even giving you a second look

hoping this dream doesn't come true.

i had this really weird dream last night that just about FREAKED me out and it went like this :
party at my house. pretty chill right? until i say something involving "breaking up" [pretty random since i don't go out with anyone]. i say this to SoCal and he starts getting emotional and starts to CRY! [i do not enjoy seeing grown boys cry]. it all goes down from there. everyone's mad at me, saying i lead him on. basically i start to cry outta frustration. i wake up. to a shitty day of school.

horrible dream. am i really leading him on? many say yes, but i honestly don't know how to put a stop to it! i don't want to be rude but c'mon, really? story of my life. not really.

stupid hoe dream. to top it all off, it was daylight savings meaning i really woke up at 6 AM, rather than my usual 7 AM. buttface day. i need some serious guidance.

stop, drop, and remind me why you're still on this

i hate all the lame high school drama that's still going on, when it's been 2 weeks since everything just stopped, let it go and go back to living you're life and i will mine

too much, too soon, too shady, stop talking shit and be happy with yourself, you got what you wanted and you left what you didn't want, suck it up and lose the drama please; i'm sick of everything, you want to say i'm a bad girlfriend, you want to say you paid, you want to make yourself look like the macho man, be my guest i don't give a damn because whatever comes out of your mouth is the doggy shit their owners forget to pick up after they're done chasing them; goes to show how important you are

you can say i'm doing the same, but you know and i know it's the truth that doesn't make you look so great, right ? you keep getting faker and faker each second i hear you're saying this and that, a little he said, she said is an overrated game i don't wanna play; everytime i want to let things go and just hold the phone, stop the press, give me a chance to live my life without the baggage, you give me more reasons to not even consider a second of my time devoted to this BS

do me a favor and leave me alone, i'll talk, give you what you deserve, a busted lip so that big mouth of yours will hurt you as much as the shit you say is hurting everyone else.

excuse me mister chubby bitch, the world doesn't revolve around you and your fat ass head, because in the end it's gonna be you and that ginormous mouth of yours that has your back .

say it, don't spray it. & other randomness.

i'm pretty sure this happens to everyone, but many are just too embarassed to tell.
okay, you're having a casual conversation with someone, and you're getting pretty into it and BAM! you accidently spit on them.
you're thinking, "oh shit. what do i do? do i play it off and act like i didn't notice? or do i apologize?"
most people do one or the other. i play it off, cause honestly, i don't have the balls to call myself out.
and thenn, there's that situation where you're the one that got spit on. and the same conversation pops into your mind, "what the hell do i do now?"
i like to do the usual and play it off til they leave and i'm free to wipe their saliva off my face.
a very complex situation, for suree.

on another note:
the phrase : you snooze you lose, definitely applies to much more than first grade situations.
one example would be when you like someone, but you're wayy too chicken to do anything about it. sucks for you, cause at any freakin' moment that person could find someone else that actually has the balls to talk to them in person. sucks for youu.
but seriously people, make a move. you got nothing to lose and you'll come out of it feeling completely accomplished.

[i'd definitely give you props for putting yourself out there with me.]

flirtation, flirtation.

there's always that one guy that flirts constantly with any girl in sight, making it pretty damn hard to figure out if he truely likes you or he's just playing around. i went through half a year responding to this guy's flirts, thinking nothing of it, until he finally reveals that he genuinely likes me. what now?
so to all the guys reading this [which are very few, i'm guessing] : stop flirting with every girl in sight. i know you're trying to get some, but really? it just confuses the hell outta us. you do this, and we'll surely return the favor and try our best not to lead you on.

NOTE:
okay, i admit that there are some people that just flirt involuntarily, but try to control yourselves.
and if you really DO like us, give us some signs. exchange numbers or something. but please don't move too fast. don't call three times in a row and text a "=[" after we don't pick up all three of your calls. we didn't pick up for a reason. this just makes you look a little stalker-ish. its all bad after that.

inspire me .

current state of union: definitely still pissed/disappointed/all of the above which could be a distraction ? the thing that kills is the fact he wants to be friends, sorry chubbs you can't always get what you want

i don't really avoid my problems, but this is a different story, seems like things have changed and theres no going back, otherwise i'd go back to everything that wasn't trippin' 24/7 on this kid

he really makes me mad, just that simple hey lights the fire under my ass to wanna push him in a puddle, things aren't cool, period and i don't think they'll ever be; really though he's done in my book, outta my life for good which is definitely why i'm mad he's still knocking .

where's my motivation ? i don't feel like doing anything anymore, just nothing; homework is a bust, priorities have taken major lows and i'm just all over the place, slacking . i'm not liking this, not at all, it's not how i do things and its not how i wanna do things, i have to pull it together ASAP because this is getting me nowhere but a dark place with stress pimples, white hairs, and a diet that favors "eating my feelings"

i want to get this show on the road, just do what i have to do, no complaining/whining
just do it .
hopefully thats enough to get me going for the next 5 minutes of "productiveness" because i'm disappointed all this crap has gotten to me, and its changing me for the worst

when i say you suck, i mean it .

it's been a week and i was doing pretty well, getting life back together, durr life's more than boys, we should quote that sucker

"life's more than boys"

but i'm feeling like this kid keeps pushing a big ass bruise, over and over again; either way it's ensured for pain, feels like he kicked me in the shins and shoved his new girlfriend in my face a week after we broke up. we call that fucked up, shady, you can go fuck yourself now type of business in america, but apparently he's not from here, doesn't speak english and has shit for brains

nope, i don't have anger management, but he's just too shady to keep everything in. how the fuck do you get with someone a week later, someone who is sane, please explain this to me, because i'm just not comprehending, it just spells F U C K E D U P , really though i was starting to put everything aside and call it a truce, let's start fresh, life's too short to hold grudges

but this shit is gonna put a damper in that, how do you expect me to be cool with everything, friends and all, i respect you, you respect me, when you're doing this too many times to make it okay, two wrongs don't make a right, homie, get on that

forget what i said about the thank you's and me still calling you my friend because you don't deserve anything, not my friendship, nobody to call a girlfriend because you don't know how to be a boyfriend, just nothing. how can you call me your friend when you don't consider any of my feelings in the mix ? you want "to be cool with me", but seems like you're doing all you can to just make it harder and harder

i'm not gonna stand for someone who does me so wrong and expect so much from me, sorry mister roundball that's just not how i do things
right about now i don't like you as a person, you're shit to me, your personality sucks, you're not funny, you're the fakest individual in the male species i've ever laid eyes on, point blank

and i'm not sorry for you, i'm sorry for the naiive girl who's stuck with you, because she's gonna have to learn first hand of the person you really are, and it's not pretty. but you live, you learn, i can't say the same for that kid i call my ex

in the end, don't feel sorry for me .
i'm going to be okay, because now i know the truth, even though it may hurt like a mo fo i'm living with people who know right from wrong, the real deals that keep me going and i deserve to smile

letter of complaint
dear ____,
go back to your stupid camaro and live with that karma that's gonna bite you in the ass, you suck ass, meaning you can kick rocks and kiss my asian ass because that's all you're gonna be kissing for a while, don't ever talk to me thinking i owe you something, because you owe me a bagel i stole for you, a trip to jamba juice on valentine's day, and that monkey i gave you .

love, chiravann uch

p.s. you were never my boyfriend .