so today,

i wanted to beat someone's ass.

and then,

i waved to someone with both hands (cause i be doing that sometimes) and ended up almost hitting someone walking beside me. oops. sorry random unfortunate girl

i have a disorder

i send out impulsive texts when i'm mad.

it's bad.

but all good. cause i realize my errors and apologize.

sorry for being a super bitch =]

you suck

the words "fuck you" come to mind. after the entire weekend, it's still roaming around my head.

no apology?

lets act like this never happened. go ahead, act like you don't give a shit.

no problemo. why should i care about you? why should i be considerate? why should i even try?
cause to me, it doesn't seem like you're doing any of that.

i wish i could stop talking to you.

but it's just not possible for me.


so fuck you.

fabulous finds

I was shopping and found this hunk at my new favorite store, it was a japanese place where they sold stationary, pencils, things i like.

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all natural means everyones a lagger

I'm going to go to San Francisco for the umpth teenth time and do all that because my cousin's cousin is in town to see the bay and all its beauty for her birthday, its my birthday weekend too, but whatever, no time for envy. We woke up at 10 and i don't know what's a reasonable time to actually get a move on with things, but its currently almost 12 and nothing looks too mobile at this point. it's just something i notice when ive been done getting ready about an hour ago and seeing everyone put on their makeup with the mirrors on hand. I get looking nice but sometimes i jusy don't care about what i look like. Materialism and shopping keeps losing its interest with me, there are so many side effects in over consumption, greed, i don't wear make up, limited the shopping. its time to take life as it is and waiting while people put on their faces is putting on a facade you want to present
yourself to the world with

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a brief happiness

on a booboo day.

"life is a playground, and i'm just looking for someone to play with."
LOLOL

taken from an 80s dating montage video.

its hard to smile today

update

crack and cocaine aren't the same thing.
thats what i learned today.

i also learned that people will like you more if you bring them food.

sometimes people are inconsiderate when they think they're being considerate. just because you assume things cause you "know me so well" doesn't mean anything. you can't read my mind. i have thoughts that need to spoken out loud.
thats the type of thing that makes me mad.
but i don't do anything about it. b/c i know its nothing to fight over

public ignorance shouldn't be ignored.

SEN10RS, doesn’t necessarily mean we are the most mature.

the rally was fun for a quick second, it’s an annual thing for stupidity to get out of hand and just for things to go from a good thing to a question of common sense. seriously, 4 years of people acting out, just being ignorant is annoying. i don’t understand why it’s the thing to do at something where we should have all the school spirit in the world, but in the end, makes people not wanna have anything to do with this school. complete hypocricy

after the rally, jlee and i watched football players practice, it’s a spectator sport and i loved spectating.

my mommy was in the parking lot to take us home, and while we were at the stop light, there were hella people just mobbing, standing in the intersection, i have no idea why, but they were there for the longest time. the light was green and we obviously couldn’t go because they were just there. it was a what the fuck moment, and then some girl decides she wants to lean on our car, wow. i wanted to slap her. ms. shelton was there to tell them to get out of the street, but it was just hella embarrassing, embarrassing for them.

i will never understand life and why people don’t have the common sense to just do anything anymore, it’s a shame.

i was mad about it for a second, just mad at society for letting everyone rot to their stupidity and leave them to do without thinking, understanding, anything.

i learned what desensitization was in social living, and we’re all walking ads. i’m so used to people like this, the ones that ruin it for everybody, that i don’t care anymore. it’s just another day at school.

smooth criminal

workload. so much.

i'll tell you why i like holding hands. because it makes me feel safe,
like you accept this relationship.
like you actually like me.
like you're meeting me halfway.

it shows effort,


affection.

i'll coffee your cake

i miss baking, i forgot how satisfying it makes me feel, plus people pay for my shiatt, so while your looking under the couch for milk money, i'll be rolling in muffin moolah.

today i had sushi, it hit the spot.

i feel like a loser, a lot more than i should nowadays, i know i have friends and stuff, but i'm feeling much more of an outcast than i usually do. it's depressing and i don't really wanna be that depressing aura that gets everybody down, it's just something that's been on my mind.

keane says everybody's changing, and true that's it's like watching my life flash before my eyes. but glee just makes my week so everything's gonna be alright at 9 o'clock tonight.

and they said, let them eat cake

girroll it's yo b-day, as in [bee-dai].
i love frozen yogurt and it's entirety, kinda thought for a second i wasn't getting any day that's what she said. it was a nice day, can't wait till i'm 18, the world only knows what kind of damage i can be doing then.

the cake was good, a mother fudgin' turd to make though, but it was worth it. creative skills to the test.

quiz tomorrow by the way, had to throw that out there.

i love everybody by the way, you guys are just the epitome of great and fantastic.
that guy on melrose place without the shirt tonight, damn, lip biter right there, i wanted him for my birthday =]

until next year.

did you watch One Tree Hill last night?

cause i sure didn't. i would've if i had time

i used to watch tv all the time. from the time i wake up to the time i go to sleep. it's probably why my eyesight sucks.

i used to get really excited when my favorite shows would come on. just waiting for that unrealistic yet completely scandalous drama to happen. the kind of shows with Desperate Housewives and high school teens claiming to be sophomores when they drink, smoke, and have sex every day of their lives.

is that really believable?
who knows. maybe somewhere in this world.

the point is, they were entertaining, jaw-dropping, and some even had the ability to really make you think (like my doctor show, Grey's Anatomy =] )

now-a-days, tv doesn't interest me. gotta turn it off to do homework. other times i'm just not home to watch it. it's not that the shows changed, it's that my schedule changed. my workload changed. the level of importance changed.

focusing on real life, instead of that fake "reality" of the television set and the overly gorgeous people in it.







just a thought..

no dinner tomorrow

people are busy. so i'll be spending my birthday at home with my ice cream cake i made.
no biggie, i have about hella more birthdays to go.

wish list, not to sound demanding, but to take into consideration:

1. card, something simple and sweet and i can read over and over again and think about how wonderful you are.
   
2. laptop, unrealistic, but practicality never hurt anyone
3. frozen yogurt machine, gluttony is a sin, but i've done worser things
4. one of those cool carry containers to carry baked goods, because i want to spread the love, with convenience !
5. sewing machine, i wanna try my chops and see if biting off store designs will work out for me
6. more orchids, their like my children where i only have to water them once a week, momma's babies
7. a nice conversation, i haven't had one of those in a while.
8. a surprise, i want my face to stretch to new limits in shock.
   

early birthday

i'm too lazy to think of anything to do for my birthday, such a hassle, why can't i have mind readers and have people who plan this stuff out for me so i can just go along for the ride in a complete and udder shock or surprise? that'd be cute.

umm, so it's his birthday today and mine tomorrow, i don't like how i remember but i remember for that fact only.

school's so repetative, like about ten or more years of this stuff, is monotonous and just hella boring to me now. i don't know why it's hitting me now, i don't call it senioritis, i call it not knowing what to do with myself because i'm scared outta my pants for what happens next year. i've been avoiding it, it makes me stress out and just think way too much in prepping for college stuff, but the days are going by and bam those apps gotta be in or your done for and living at home with mommy and she'll forever make your rice. not a bad deal, but i don't want to grow up, because i'm a late bloomer and it's like time's just telling me to haul ass to the big scary world.

the big world chews up, spits out, then chews up again, little sensitive asian girls like me.
i don't feel like i'm gonna be 17 tomorrow, just another day, where i can watch r rated movies, but just a reminder this is probably my last birthday at home and in high school where i don't have to worry about anything.

can you meet me halfway?

so yesterday was our four month anniversary =] =] =]
definitely feels like it's been A LOT longer than four months.

we went to alameda with the intentions of walking on the beach and eating at sushi house. you know, cheesy couple stuff =]

we ended up walking around southshore for hella long. drinking jamba juice. waiting til we got hungry. and buying wife-beaters for him, cause he really needed some new ones.

i wore flats that day. stupid me. took one step in the sand and BAM! sand all up in my toes. =[ so no cheesy beachwalk that day. plus there were hella people up in there cause it was lightweight hot.

instead of eating at sushi house, we went to applebees. LOL i had a craving for mashed potatoes (plus it was cheaper). i ended up not even getting mashed potatoes. i got some penne pasta though. yuumm.

it was nice =]. just the two of us.

we took the bus back to oakland, where i embarrassed myself, frustrating the bus driver cause i repeatedly put in my bus transfer ticket in the wrong way (even though it has a HUGE ass arrow telling you what way to put it in!)

went to A's party. had a good time. was kinda sad when i had to go home and not stay with vincent for the night =[. if i did stay with him, i woulda witnessed Will's bare ass. no thank you.

came home to see julia hiding behind my bedroom door. nice try guys, maybe you woulda gotten me if SOMEONE didn't start laughing LOL.




today. homework. and chill.

(500) days of summer

this movie was the story of my life, kinda. making greeting cards and city scapes can be a very common hobby and i loved this movie, because it had all that i was thinking made into a film with pretty music and a beautiful plot. watch it, it's definitely not a love story.

i drew the picture above on a random envelope when i was home alone, it's pretty much my interpretation of one of the scenes from the movie.

i like binging and getting fat when no one is home and just doing really dumb random stuff.

ohh and i found this quote on tumblr

"remember when getting high meant swings at the playground, the worst thing you could get from the opposite sex was cooties, your enemies were your teachers and your siblings, race issues were about who ran the fastest, war was a card game, the only drugs you knew about were cough medicine, and a girl that wore a skirt didn't have to be a slut, the only thing that hurt was skinned knees, and the only things that could be broken were your toys. life was simple and carefree, but what i remember the most was wanting to grow up"

CU Again!

lately, i've noticed how many songs out there actually relate to my life.
i guess that's what most artists try to aim for.

it was really hot today. i had to run for PE. and i looked gross afterwards. it was not pretty.

i thought i said something that hurt someone's feelings. turns out he's fine so no biggie. i was feeling pretty bad though. who knew yelling "YOU SUCK!" to someone can do that to you.

fridays are really annoying. hella tests. the test i thought i would fail, turned out to be the easiest. while the one i didn't even think about was the one i probably failed. FML. i don't understand french class anymore. i need madame dupois back. i liked her hand gestures.

don't ask me why i put up that picture up there. i just know that a lot of people are too lazy to actually READ a blog, so they just look at the pictures. =]

that picture does remind me of last year though. even though i'm glad i'm no longer a freshmen, freshmen year was probably one of my bests. it was enjoyable to say the least.

the picture up there is from when we went to eat sushi in berekely before watching our friend, Marcelo's play. it was a fun day. the play made me think. i just liked watching marcelo master his accents LOL. it was anais, my sister and me. good times

typical thursday

school's so mediocre, but i'm getting to know people i've never really talked to and they've never really talked to me, but they turn out to be hella cool, i like how i wait till senior year to get to know people. college apps are gonna kick my ass, but all this free time is lovely.

i really wanna watch 500 days of summer, it's a burning passion that must be taken care of, business must be taken care of. anyone wanna take to the movies ? i feel like it's one of those movies, where i'd walk out of the theatre just thinking what am i doing with my life or realizing a little somethin somethin about myself. i'm hella cynical and i'm not really a believer in relationships, i think sometimes when you're in a surrounding where everyone's texting/booty calling their boo thangs, it makes me just wanna be a cow and follow the herd. not good.

but it's nature. i don't even eat beef.

even if i do feel left out in that type of way, that's not a good reason to like someone, bad news right there, i know how i function best, and that's single, taking care of myself and just attending me and only me. it's a time to be selfish.

focus on the world of here-and-now

DAYUUUM that Confucius though

funny the things you learn about life through history

make that money

i'm applying for a job, and i'm doing my resume as we speak
i'm realizing i don't have too much to put on it.

wow, i'm a real gem.

mental breakdown. kill me now.

let the truth be told about asian americans

Asians are tight asses because of their parents.

"its all in the family" is right, because they tell their kids, work, money, work, work, then be a doctor and get rich. if anyone were to actually listen to their asian parents, it would be all downhill.

they don't know anything about friends, love, or actual emotion. they don't want us to have boyfriends because its a distraction to school, they don't want us to hang out with our friends because they want us to keep to our books and homework, they don't want us to go out because staying home is free, they don't know any better about how to live a life you'd actually consider a life.

7 out of 10 asian girls struggle to keep their boyfriends, because they have to lie, scheme, and twist the truth just so they can see them without getting beat with a chopstick. the lying and deceit can only go so far when anyone who's human feels guilty for it, because they actually believe her. about half of these asian girls aren't with their boyfriends anymore for this reason.

no wonder more than half of Asian teenagers can't wait to get their license.

my worst nightmare.

i'm needy, but i hide it to the best of my ability.

i'm a gleek

whoa, did blogspot eff up or something ? says we aren't following anybody.

today was a fine day, but i don't look at her the same, i wish i never heard what i heard, but i did. and whether good or bad, it's the fact i got mad at someone for something that wasn't all their bad; inconveniences are a turd, why can't we all keep to ourselves ?

i went home and watched glee, wow i love that show, it just speaks to me like no other, it's like a modern musical with plot and emotion, bravo. even though the high school setting is a tad over-rated, i never get sick of it, it's just one of those classic settings, where crap happens, and people gotta deal with it.

three blogs in a row

i'm about to take a nap, but i just thought i'd blog.

i don't think we can be friends, it's the first time we were face to face in about 6 months ? i learned a lot, it was crazy how much you could get out so much, but so little. today reminded me of why things didn't work out, despite all my crazed ridden blogs with me ranting on how much of an ass he was, we never solved anything. we'd have a world of problems, but never find any solutions to anything. that's asking for trouble right there.

now, i'm feeling like that neutrogena commercial i was talking about earlier, i realize i was looking into the face of someone who just made me go through all the life lessons in a fast forward pace. i don't hate him as much anymore, because it's about giving people second chances.

i've figured it out

forrsure, i messed up in the wayy beginning of things, truly, we're all immature high school kids who like to gossip, call he/she a whore or bitch, spends hours texting someone about 2 feet away, and not caring about anything because they don't have too. we're all too young to be stuck on grudges like i do, because people kill to be in high school again.

we're all too young to not get along or get hung up on the stupidest things.
basically i'm growing up as we speak, i'm 16 trying to go on 21, i need to stop trippin about stupid stuff and watch chowder

my birthday is in less than 2 weeks & i'd like a frozen yogurt machine and an open mind for forgiveness

history repeats itself

stupid teachers, i hate it when they are right. i've gotten really attached to blogging, it's weird, it's like school, homework, blog about my day or anything else that fits into the vague word of life

well, well, well, my head's totally screwed, it's one of those things where it's just doing too much, i take one little thing and just take it miles and miles, i'm in a neverending fight with my thoughts, and i always lose, chrystal said listen to happy music, i'm a good listener because i did just that

BUT guess who wants to start a little conversation starter ? everything is just lost, leave me to live my life is what i think because i'm doing to my part to help myself, why can't you ?

it's not me who is doing anything wrong, it's you. you did everything. i feel like he's knocking on my door but this time i'm home, i'm just under my bed hiding with a graphing calculator for a weapon.

amazing how you can do so much damage, i'm continuing the slowest conversation of his life right now because i liked things the way they were before, simple, clean, you know it's how you feel after watching those neutrogena commercials where you just wanna wash your face and call it a day

i tell myself what to do everyday, it's constant, i tell myself what to do, what not to do, what not to think, just everything, it's pretty schizo, because i do the complete opposite almost 99.9% of the time

by the way i'm a blog two timer, i blog hop on the daily, wow, just give me those fish nets and a corset, i'm a whore

i want frozen yogurt.

ordinary people don't do this kind of crap

thanks for the communicative attitude mister, i'm glad you decide to do all this now at the randomest possible moment of my life, on a sunday at about 12:30 ish ?

things are out in the open i guess, clarifications ? not really, just a whole bunch of memories brought to my attention. i know your side now and we're the same but different, i don't like that at all.

i think you're the only person who can get me this confused, i need to keep things to myself and give myself my own advice because everybody wants to try to help, but i'm the only one who knows me like the back of my hand.

he said i helped him be the person he was today, and he's realized that; sounds like someone grew up. i feel like i understand things more but i'm still uneasy on everything, why couldn't you stay out of my life and leave it to your girlfriend.

i don't like relating to all you had to say last night, thinking about us randomly and all, it's not right, that's not how things are supposed to go.

i don't like how you like how certain songs remind you of us, because it's the same for me. it's a lifetime of history with someone i ignore and treat like a stranger now.

i don't like how everything is a coincidence and that everything fell into place, john legend playlists aren't supposed to do this, none of this

i'm really scared, and no one likes being scared, hanging out to get out what we have to say about everything won't help anything because i don't want to do any of this again.

you aren't my problem anymore, you aren't supposed to be plaguing my mind right now, it was over a long time ago, and you did the damage.

demi lovato said it best here we go again

well hello there, you sexy thing =]

went to a john legend concert last night with anais =]
JOHN LEGEND! oh mann, was he dreamy.
overall it was a great night. hella good seats. not too close, yet not so far away that i can't see his face. basically, he's beautiful.

turns out his younger brother can sing too (the hella BUFF guy in the wifebeater)
estelle was there too, for like less than a minute for ONE song.
and john legend took clothes off. maybe not ALL of his clothes but enough to see his gorgeous body =]


highlight of my weekend =]

on another note, i'm completely procrastinating on homework at the moment. its not like i have A LOT to do but i'm just lazy.





guess which john legend picture is my favorite. GUESS. it should be your favorite too

life sucks

i feel pretty bad.

next time, i'll listen to my mama

i'm alone in this stupid world.

basically, i had a REALLY bad day. like i want it to be tomorrow already.

i need John Legend to make me happy.

i need someone to make me happy

let me think

i'm tired
i have to pee
and i don't know why i'm writing a blog right now.

i'm not that smart. i used to be, but that's long gone.
i know you're capable of doing things on your own.
so do it for goodness sakes.

it was very hot today. and we decided to walk home. we didn't make it. one of us passed out and we had to call 911.

i kid, i kid =]
my dad picked us up eventually. we were all dying from the heat of the hills.

you're not the boss of me. i refuse to be a pushover. i make my own decisions. you're lucky i'm a people-pleaser! if i wasn't, it would be my way or the highway. not really but i like to think that's how it would be

my mom wakes me up 10 minutes earlier than necessary. that is why i'm tired as hell right now.

i miss my bangs. sometimes my forehead needs a little warmth.

STOP drawing penises! you know who you are.

BLAAAT! i refuse to "GET SOME!" what does that even mean?

"ohh, hey, don't i DON'T know you"

life is at it's finest right now, yahh i just lied, i should be way happier at this point

senior year

but actually, no .. forgive me if i'm a debbie downer but i'm not too fond of social living, that one chick was right, it is overrated. it's like a waste period with cheap jokes that aren't funny, it's like a super laggingg conversation that just makes like the energizer bunny and goes on .. and on and on .. i'm dropping it, enough said, i don't care if it gets my senior project done, i'd rather have 5 classes

i forreal don't like school, and on top of that i feel like i'm closed into certain spots because of the dumb past, where if i go into straight up restricted zone, it's like giving myself an early death, all because of a little mishap with the opposite sex.

i don't like not knowing people when i certainly do, and i have to pretend we're not friends, never seen each other in all 16 years of my life, because i don't like lying to myself and saying, ignore the crap outta that kid whenever you see them, when you know their life story, their likes, dislikes, the basics and more. it's just asking for awkward.

i liked it before junior year, live freely
but i must say junior year was the best yet

i should be blogging about freakin school too, all the cool kids are doing it

WHAT A TURD NUGGET OF A DAY [and yesterday too] i'm not actually mad or anything, caps lock just has its way with words, but first day made me really just wanna go home, i got over this phase centuries ago when i wasn't so much of a loner and i had friends, but i started off getting an unpleasant surprise, with the person you want to have a class with actually in your class, i felt my black hair tingle because it was morphing into unattractive white hair

second period, i definitely have to give big upps to my counselor for putting me in regular english when i signed up for AP and did the summer assignment, this has happened to me once before and it's not fun, i haven't been in regular english since sophomore year, i felt like a red fish in a star fish pond with all these people i did not in a million years ever know went to skyline

i don't feel like complaining about my classes, because it's pointless, i just want to get those perks of senior priority in getting things fixed ASAP

this year doesn't feel right, i'm not getting those vibes of a good year just waiting to blossom, last year kicked my ass but it was so much fun, i don't want to grow up, i don't wanna go to sleep

i'm going to put a penny in my mouth to make it seem like i have a cold when my temperature gets measured because mommy, i don't wanna go to school

i miss my seniors, they made my day

melody

every missing piece in me, i can find in the melody..

school started. great.
to be honest, this was like one of the best summers i've ever had (if not the best)

my parents have given me more freedom.
freedom to go out
to hang out
and just chill

but thats probably only because of my lies.
i admit, i feel bad for lying to my parents but you have to do what you have to do. if that makes any sense

i miss summer a lot.

school is.. okay. i miss last year. i miss a lot of things.
but i'm sure things will get better.
trying to be optimistic. when i know things could possibly go downhill. but i try not to think about that.

i want him to come back to skyline.. yeah, cause i'm vulnerable like that. fuckme


there's a river in my mind that's never still..