talking to my mama with a retainer

me: ShChinatown hash shcheap foodsh.
Mom: what?
me: ShChinatown hash shcheap foodsh!
Mom: what? i don't understand.
me: SHCHINATOWN HASH SHCHEAP FOODSH!
Mom: It's like you're speaking in another language.

thanks mom. CHINATOWN HAS CHEAP FOOD!

you left a bad taste in my mouth
an image in my head I can't forget
those words can't be taken back
actions permanent
with my my mind set

being drunk isn't an excuse. feeling "challenged" isn't an excuse. i will never be okay with what you did and how you approached the situation.

just another day that brings me to tears. fuck those days.

stressed people stress me out

is it not normal that i'm not really tripping about my marijuana debate tmr? i'm kinda just like "fuck it, we get extra credit for being the first ones to debate anyway."

i've been eating so much crap since summer. i've just been in the thought process that i don't have to feel bad for what i eat. why should i? if it tastes good, it tastes good.
in my mind, i wanna work out to stay fit, but i'm comfortable with my body and i don't give a fuck what people say. don't call yourself fat just cause you got a muffin-top or some rolls. there are actual OBESE people out there struggling for their lives.

think about it.

i am exhausted.
WHY DO I HAVE TO BE THE FIRST TO DEBATE IN RAPSON'S CLASS?!
now i have to work on rebuttals instead of napping my homework away.

San Jose be poppin'

celebrated my sister's birthday yesterday with my cousins - vegan soulfood and then a trip to san jose.
went to the mall to meet up with my cousin's college friend. bought a gray knit beanie and a superman halloween costume for Sukie (SO EXCITED TO SEE HIM WEAR IT!) we got some thai food afterward and instead of refilling water, they kept coming at us with thai tea. i loved that.
after we were stuffed, we headed to the drive-in movie place. i was hella excited because i've only seen that kind of stuff on Grease. for the price of $6.75 we watched You Again, The Other Guys, and The Town. we drove from screen to screen munching on snacks and covered in blankets in the trunk of my cousin's car. i would so bring a hot date there.

got home at 3am and knocked out. had to wake up to flyer for leadership @ 9am.

i still need fucking donations for leadership.

leadership

what the fuck was i thinking. i thought leadership wouldn't be that time-consuming. I WAS SO WRONG. but i'm pretty happy with it. i love inserting my own opinions about events and what not.

so much work though. but i'm making friends and getting more involved in school so i'm thinking IT'S WORTH IT. but it's bout to get fucking hectic! later on in the year.

Happy 18th Birthday!

Chiravann Uch - you're finally legal.
i remember when i couldn't spell your name right because it's so fucking long.
i remember how you hate taking showers because being lazy shits on showering.
i remember how we'd talk and gossip until we'd fall asleep.
i remember when you gathered all your stuffed animals together and told me to take a family picture of you and all your "children" - the funny thing about this is that you were in high school at the time.

my sister, you are legal. you can hit the clubs.
and you have hella people getting you expensive-ass gifts (not me, i'm broke.) which means PEOPLE LOVE YOU. and all anyone ever truly wants in this world is to be loved. kudos for your accomplishments.

please don't get too drunk and start biting people's fingers and yacking all over the place. let's be straightedge, shall we?

Love, Ratema Uch

UPDATE:

• I got my braces off Monday. I feel different. In some ways, braces were a part of me. Hard to except change but EXCITED AS HELL cuz it's so fucking easy to brush my teeth and eat. I'm tryna munch on some corn on the cob soon. i should chew gum! i haven't done that yet.
• I got the (internship?) with OYEA! fasho. working with Hieu, Toan, and a whole bunch of other people tryna build a youth center in Oakland, Chinatown. pretty excited for that.
• I officially quit badminton - told Coach Fink last week.
• I haven't been COMPLETELY failing any of my classes yet! but AP Biology is getting rough.

Life is good.. for now.

EXCEPT! my dad has a blogspot. he doesn't vent about his day or anything, he just posts Cambodian music videos from youtube. oh god. what has become of my father!

procrastination

i'm too happy and excited to do homework. that's a good excuse, right?
okay, i'm gonna regret this later.
FUCK IT!

iPhone 4g

My aunt in Cambodia wants an iPhone 4g. (they like to show off in Cambodia). This is what my mom wrote as a reminder to buy the iPhone for her sister. i thought it was funny because she drew an apple haha. BTW - the foreign writing on the top and bottom is Cambodian.

i have all these questions running through my head with no answers.

this weekend was supposed to be fun, but it was filled with a lot more tears than needed. you can be such as asshole sometimes. i don't understand why you do the things you do or say the things you say. there were moments where i just wanted to walk home and not deal with your ass anymore.

fuck you.

5 Lessons From High School movies.

i love yahoo.

"We're all pretty bizarre. Some of us are just better at hiding it, that's all."
- The Breakfast Club

"If you were happy every day of your life you wouldn't be a human being. You'd be a game-show host."
- Heathers

"Just because you're beautiful doesn't mean you can treat people like they don't matter."
- 10 Things I Hate About You

"Calling somebody else fat won't make you any skinnier. Calling someone stupid doesn't make you any smarter... All you can do in life is try to solve the problem in front of you."
- Mean Girls

"Life moves pretty fast. You don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it."
- Ferris Bueller's Day Off

tumblr be having meaningful posts though

I'm sorry that I took a picture of a picture but I didn't want to save this on my dad's laptop.

okay, i admit i went on my sister's tumblr and saw this picture. my heart slid down into my buttcrack at that point.
KIDS these days live in such a fucked up society! like, how do you watch your children grow up calling others bitches at such young ages? I've witnessed this firsthand walking to Alex's house with my sister. a group of little boys walked by and called us "bitches" and then i see a little Asian boy say "FUCK YOU, BITCH" to the girl he was playing with. and his mom was RIGHT THERE! nearby! crazy.

propaganda at the Puma store

I saw these when I went shopping in SF with Eugene and VeganGirl. The girl working at the Puma store were wearing them and I wanted them hella bad! They're like a combination of flats and sneakers because they're pretty thin and flexible.
TOO BAD THEY'RE $105!

i don't got that kind of dough so i think next summer, i'll reward myself with some Pumas IF, and ONLY IF i pass at least 2 out of my 3 AP tests.
MOTIVATION!

pet peeves

if i see you on facebook, i know you're not busy. SO TEXT ME THE FUCK BACK. i hate your guts.

Like a life with no living.

fuck this shit.

i feel like the biggest outcast in my 5th period. i know everyone in that class but they all have their cliques that EXCLUDE me.
insecurities are all up in my life now with school. summer allowed me to be so carefree and not give a fuck about my appearance because i CHOSE who i wanted to hang out with - and those were the people that love me whether i have armpitt stains or spinach in my teeth.

Like a square crammed into a circle
I fit in but I don't fit right
Cutting corners to be the perfect fit
but it doesn't work like that
NOT ONE BIT.

electrical surge

Searching for a power outlet
Plugging in my thoughts
These hopes and dreams i can't say out loud
My future screams memories of pain
Time for that electrical surge
Through my mind and through my veins
Giving life to what i once had
Giving hope to my dreams
Giving birth to my future
and unraveling the seams

i have these moments when i feel extremely lonely. when i'm not texting him and i'm just alone at home. my sister isn't here to crack jokes with me anymore.
parts of me hates being home because the only thing i do is eat and watch tv. i need to be with PEOPLE. i need to be out and about. it's rare for me to be alone voluntarily.

driving lesson #2

went great. we drove around Skyline and i told my instructor that i was missing the game for the lesson and he let me drive up to check the score! fasho. later on we saw Oakland High's score too.

i drove around the Skyline hills and then around the CVS parking lot. and later on around Lake Merritt. we cracked hella jokes along the way and i made sure to ask hella questions. i feel a lot more confident driving now. i just have to learn how to drive faster cuz i be driving 20 in 35 mph zone. all good in the hood - i can park in parking lots though. :]

magical button

i wish there was a magical button on tumblr that shows only the posts written instead of reblogged. okay, fine, i admit i still check tumblr from time to time but i haven't lately! i like pictures..

i feel like his mama sometimes,

i try to restrict him from shit but he's a big boy and he's not about to listen to me.

Jidan's wedding reception was really fun. i felt so much love in her backyard! she looked beautiful too. my first non-Cambodian wedding. and i got to dance! because i've been having the urge to dance for SO LONG.
afterparty at Chris and Sarn's had its ups and downs. by the end of it i just wanted to knock out on my bed. my mom said she was about to call the cops because she thought i was kidnapped. trippin' mama. 4 in the morning is not THAT late (SIKE!)

alcohol makes people act in many different ways. i find it funny how some people act completely normal when they're drunk.

i really need to stop making thizz faces. thizz faces are my drug.

in over my head?

today i got interviewed for leadership and they're gonna switch me out of Digital Photo into Leadership. i don't think leadershiip will be THAT time-consuming, but i'm not one to talk. i hope i have enough time to get with it.

i've been really thinking about whether or not i should join badminton this year. ii love badminton and i love all the girls but i'm a sore loser and badminton alters my friendships when attitudes get into the mix. if i don't do badminton i can do so many other things! i can do the Spring session of SAFIRE, FINALLY participate in AYPAL May Arts, and other stuff i can't think of.
PROS AND CONS are going through my head but i think i'm gonna stick to badminton. i made a committment and formed a bond with everyone - i can't let them down.

BUT AT THE SAME TIME, it's something i think about often. yes or no?