Last week, my English teacher scheduled for our class to be in the computer lab to work on our essays. The second day we were in the lab, a cheerleader raised her hand and asked if he wanted these essays typed. MLIA.

black and gray

I told myself I wouldn't text you all day
Have time to myself and contemplate
But then you text comes and the anger washes away
I told myself I wouldn't give in
That nothing was worth it
And it was all a sin
But I fell into your trap and couldn't turn back
I told myself it didn't matter
That life would go on
And I'd ignore all the chatter
I told myself it'd be okay
That enough was enough
And someday,
The world will no longer be in black and gray

leaving home

when i was little, i overheard my parents talking to their friends at a party, and one of their friends goes, “When you’re kids go to college, they don’t miss you. You may miss them but they’re out having fun.”

And when i think about it now, it’s not true in many cases. Everyone wants to leave home. Every seems to want out of their parents’ rules and restrictions just for that ounce of freedom, but really you end up missing those people that raised you all your life.

The people that set these boundaries for you because they care. They give you a home and food for your growling stomachs so you can grow up beautifully and successfully.

Despite everything that i’ve said about my parents, i know i’m gonna miss them when i leave home.

happiness

you know when you help someone out but it makes things harder for you?
it's just that, you're so focused on them. you wanna make things easier for them. you want to see them happy.
i love seeing people happy so i don't care if it makes things harder for me.

my goal in life is happiness. for you, for me, and just for everyone. i want to make people happy.

there are certain topics that i'm extremely sensitive about,

• the reasons why i cry, (don't question me when i KNOW you've never been what i've been through)
• my teeth/braces, (i will seriously hurt the next person that comments on how long i've had them or why they're so low)
• stereotypes, (call me whitewashed one more time... grr am i supposed to be ghetto because i'm Cambodian? no, i'm not supposed to be anything but myself)

If I Ruled the World

If I ruled the world
Peace wouldn't be a question
Violence would be OUT of the question
Children would be secure
Success would be indefinite
More money for schools
and jails for the fools

If I ruled the world
Things would be different
People would know where their money's spent

If I ruled the world
Global warming would rewind
Greenhouse gases would be hard to find

If I ruled the world
More southeast Asians would go to college
Out of the streets and into success

If I ruled the world,
There would be happiness

oh mother,

i told her all the people i was getting Christmas presents for and she goes,

"Why are you getting all of them presents? That's a waste of money, what have they ever done for you?"

I told her I'm giving them presents to show that I care about them (I'm buying their love! just kidding)

my mother is such a negative thinker.

you know when you recite poems in your head and you're hella eager to get it on paper? happens all the time

A war for a purpose
Emotions against the heart
Hit its weak spots
Soldiers of anger
Fighting for a resolution
Soldiers of longing
Hoping for that repair
Soldiers of pure sadness
In disbelief
Weapons of destruction
Piercing the heart
Emotions conquer
Tearing the most valuable part
Conflictions between similarities
Fighting for power
Causing lonliness
That grows by the hour
This war put to an end
Neither side wins
A heart destroyed
Emotions disorganized
Because through all the hurt
Through all the pain
There’s a fight for purpose
A fight for change

the scariest moment of my life

today after the AYPAL LIMCA ylo, i kissed Vincent unaware that my mom was already in front of the building, looking at me with a suspicious face.
my heart dropped. i hopped into the car acting like everything was normal. my back was turned to her when i kissed him so i didn’t know if she saw or not.
i thought my life was over. no going out. no nothing, all because of this forbidden relationship. THANK GOD it was dark outside.
i was scared out of my mind. i couldn’t focus. i just wanted to turn back time. when we got home my mom asked if i hugged or kissed “the boy”.
of course i’m gonna say HUG. no shit.
so i suppose i’m in the clear, but godammit. i’m hella on edge. i have to be extra cautious.

thanks DOODOO BRAIN, for being supportive. NOT! you fucking kicked me when i was down. called me an idiot. no fucking shit i knew i did something completely careless and idiotic but FUCK, can you be the least bit supportive and considerate for once?!

i always feel like i have to buy someone a christmas present just cause they said they're buying one for me.

ugh. what if i don't really like them?

damn my guilt

the goods and bads of wintertime:

GOOD:

• holidays! christmas, new years, uhh valentine's day? yeah valentine's day
• the start of the new year! yay!
• the cheery, fuzzy feeling of the holiday cheer and all around love =]
• my birthday! in february yo. specifically valentines day.
• lot's of birthdays - meaning lots of happiness!
• marks the middle of the schoolyear - summer is so close!

BAD:

• it's so fucking cold! like forreal.
• my hands get cracked and dry cause my hands are constantly freezing
• winter clothese aren't that fun..
• midterms.. grr.. kill me now.

The good outweigh the bad so it's all good. but summer > winter. always

I'm a loner at heart

ever since my insecure days of middle school, I've been this awkward loner girl.

I've resisted approaching big groups of people,

and practically prevented myself from making new friends.

I'm awkward. period. maybe one day I'll break out of this shell I've placed myself in and realize there's really nothing to fear.

it's not like these people are gonna look at you like you're a freak and criticize you top to bottom.
oh wait, that has happened to me before...

fuck it. I'm gonna be awkward for life.

we're all haters

you know you hate someone.

everyone does.

wheter it be for a stupid reason or for something completely legit.