oh mother,

i told her all the people i was getting Christmas presents for and she goes,

"Why are you getting all of them presents? That's a waste of money, what have they ever done for you?"

I told her I'm giving them presents to show that I care about them (I'm buying their love! just kidding)

my mother is such a negative thinker.

you know when you recite poems in your head and you're hella eager to get it on paper? happens all the time

A war for a purpose
Emotions against the heart
Hit its weak spots
Soldiers of anger
Fighting for a resolution
Soldiers of longing
Hoping for that repair
Soldiers of pure sadness
In disbelief
Weapons of destruction
Piercing the heart
Emotions conquer
Tearing the most valuable part
Conflictions between similarities
Fighting for power
Causing lonliness
That grows by the hour
This war put to an end
Neither side wins
A heart destroyed
Emotions disorganized
Because through all the hurt
Through all the pain
There’s a fight for purpose
A fight for change

the scariest moment of my life

today after the AYPAL LIMCA ylo, i kissed Vincent unaware that my mom was already in front of the building, looking at me with a suspicious face.
my heart dropped. i hopped into the car acting like everything was normal. my back was turned to her when i kissed him so i didn’t know if she saw or not.
i thought my life was over. no going out. no nothing, all because of this forbidden relationship. THANK GOD it was dark outside.
i was scared out of my mind. i couldn’t focus. i just wanted to turn back time. when we got home my mom asked if i hugged or kissed “the boy”.
of course i’m gonna say HUG. no shit.
so i suppose i’m in the clear, but godammit. i’m hella on edge. i have to be extra cautious.

thanks DOODOO BRAIN, for being supportive. NOT! you fucking kicked me when i was down. called me an idiot. no fucking shit i knew i did something completely careless and idiotic but FUCK, can you be the least bit supportive and considerate for once?!

i always feel like i have to buy someone a christmas present just cause they said they're buying one for me.

ugh. what if i don't really like them?

damn my guilt

the goods and bads of wintertime:

GOOD:

• holidays! christmas, new years, uhh valentine's day? yeah valentine's day
• the start of the new year! yay!
• the cheery, fuzzy feeling of the holiday cheer and all around love =]
• my birthday! in february yo. specifically valentines day.
• lot's of birthdays - meaning lots of happiness!
• marks the middle of the schoolyear - summer is so close!

BAD:

• it's so fucking cold! like forreal.
• my hands get cracked and dry cause my hands are constantly freezing
• winter clothese aren't that fun..
• midterms.. grr.. kill me now.

The good outweigh the bad so it's all good. but summer > winter. always

I'm a loner at heart

ever since my insecure days of middle school, I've been this awkward loner girl.

I've resisted approaching big groups of people,

and practically prevented myself from making new friends.

I'm awkward. period. maybe one day I'll break out of this shell I've placed myself in and realize there's really nothing to fear.

it's not like these people are gonna look at you like you're a freak and criticize you top to bottom.
oh wait, that has happened to me before...

fuck it. I'm gonna be awkward for life.

we're all haters

you know you hate someone.

everyone does.

wheter it be for a stupid reason or for something completely legit.