Like a life with no living.

fuck this shit.

i feel like the biggest outcast in my 5th period. i know everyone in that class but they all have their cliques that EXCLUDE me.
insecurities are all up in my life now with school. summer allowed me to be so carefree and not give a fuck about my appearance because i CHOSE who i wanted to hang out with - and those were the people that love me whether i have armpitt stains or spinach in my teeth.

Like a square crammed into a circle
I fit in but I don't fit right
Cutting corners to be the perfect fit
but it doesn't work like that
NOT ONE BIT.

electrical surge

Searching for a power outlet
Plugging in my thoughts
These hopes and dreams i can't say out loud
My future screams memories of pain
Time for that electrical surge
Through my mind and through my veins
Giving life to what i once had
Giving hope to my dreams
Giving birth to my future
and unraveling the seams

i have these moments when i feel extremely lonely. when i'm not texting him and i'm just alone at home. my sister isn't here to crack jokes with me anymore.
parts of me hates being home because the only thing i do is eat and watch tv. i need to be with PEOPLE. i need to be out and about. it's rare for me to be alone voluntarily.

driving lesson #2

went great. we drove around Skyline and i told my instructor that i was missing the game for the lesson and he let me drive up to check the score! fasho. later on we saw Oakland High's score too.

i drove around the Skyline hills and then around the CVS parking lot. and later on around Lake Merritt. we cracked hella jokes along the way and i made sure to ask hella questions. i feel a lot more confident driving now. i just have to learn how to drive faster cuz i be driving 20 in 35 mph zone. all good in the hood - i can park in parking lots though. :]

magical button

i wish there was a magical button on tumblr that shows only the posts written instead of reblogged. okay, fine, i admit i still check tumblr from time to time but i haven't lately! i like pictures..

i feel like his mama sometimes,

i try to restrict him from shit but he's a big boy and he's not about to listen to me.

Jidan's wedding reception was really fun. i felt so much love in her backyard! she looked beautiful too. my first non-Cambodian wedding. and i got to dance! because i've been having the urge to dance for SO LONG.
afterparty at Chris and Sarn's had its ups and downs. by the end of it i just wanted to knock out on my bed. my mom said she was about to call the cops because she thought i was kidnapped. trippin' mama. 4 in the morning is not THAT late (SIKE!)

alcohol makes people act in many different ways. i find it funny how some people act completely normal when they're drunk.

i really need to stop making thizz faces. thizz faces are my drug.

in over my head?

today i got interviewed for leadership and they're gonna switch me out of Digital Photo into Leadership. i don't think leadershiip will be THAT time-consuming, but i'm not one to talk. i hope i have enough time to get with it.

i've been really thinking about whether or not i should join badminton this year. ii love badminton and i love all the girls but i'm a sore loser and badminton alters my friendships when attitudes get into the mix. if i don't do badminton i can do so many other things! i can do the Spring session of SAFIRE, FINALLY participate in AYPAL May Arts, and other stuff i can't think of.
PROS AND CONS are going through my head but i think i'm gonna stick to badminton. i made a committment and formed a bond with everyone - i can't let them down.

BUT AT THE SAME TIME, it's something i think about often. yes or no?